HELP!!!

Oh dear ... I need help.

All my buttons are being pushed and my many insecurities have come rushing to the forefront....

I have a meeting tomorrow regarding a website i have been booked to create FOR MONEY!!!

Oh my god - I have 3 websites that i have created out there in cyberspace at the moment. One for the school that i created and update every week at work, and the education department pays me to do that amongst other things, so that is ok. I also have two more that i have done for love.

Ok - here is where i fall down.

This is what i seem to be unable to 'get'.

I have value!!!

My time is valuable as is my knowledge!!!

I have a skill that not everyone else has, and it is fair and right for me to be paid for something that i can do that they cannot - especially when they have plenty of money to pay me...

I do....

I can.....

So if i believe all that (which i do in my head but not my heart {or is it the other way round}) why do i feel like i am being a fraud, or a rip off or something - i dont know what - why dont i get it. I 'do' australian bush flower essences and have given away far more then i have ever charged for..... idiot i know.

Its self worth (or lack thereof) and self confidence too.

Although i KNOW i will do a great job because i have a fine attention to detail and always put in 110%. Why do i freak at charging for my skills.

This comes up for me over and over again, obviously because it remains un-dealt with - long sigh....

When will i get it.....

Woe is me.........

Jen

xxx

Kathleen, where is yours?????

Come on - Rylah pushed me, now i am pushing you (lol) - get 'em up online girl, for all the world to see!!!

Here we go.....

Just to prove that i CAN be bullied - here you go Rylah (lol), my pictures from sunday's workshop with Anchell - they are still unfinished - will repost when done. I promise.

This one has a bit of an amoebaish feel to it i think. Dunno what is going on there though what i was getting was "connection to all things" Unfinished - will repost when done.

Hmmm - Tree of life. Still with most of its curly branches unfinished. Plus decoration on those curly branches. I looked at my mobile at the time and thought to myself, 'cool, an hour and a half to go' - daylight savings time, in reality i had like half an hour, i hadnt reset the clock. Thats when Michelle left me on the doorstep with my paintbrush in my mouth, trying to finish the curly branches (cue violin music). Sniff sniff.... Also unfinshed, will repost when i am finished this one..

Luv Jen

Full moon info

Here is the latest weekly timings from Edgar J Winter - very interesting i thought. So i am sharing it with you....

The full Moon is in Taurus plays the role of ‘baggage handler’ on the 5th November!

This full moon period is like being a ‘bellboy’ at the local hotel and has a lot of work to do. A family of five intense Scorpio visitors are opposite this service guy and he is seen as having a mountain of Heavy Baggage’ to move or carry. You probably have a heavy burden to bear. These may be your own burdens or they may indeed be other peoples. Be careful that you are not doing too much for others. Bellboys or ‘Porters’ having too much to carry can lead to bad posture, bad backs or a distorted infrastructure. Don’t let yourself be used to carry other peoples’ stuff’!

Mercury is in retrograde in Scorpio until November 17th. This gives us extra time to rework the energies. The thrice annual backwards cycle of the communication planet is a time when the flow of information slows. Data may be lost, conversations misconstrued and machines more likely to break down. Greater care in how you speak and more attention to details helps to avoid these problems. From a positive perspective, the inward turn of the mind can allow reflection and research that deepens understanding of yourself and others.

In alchemical magic, Mercury as Hermes sits on top of the vessel of transformation and keeps the juices cooking. We're all be cooking in this cosmic soup we are in together. What shall we make of it all?

Even when they're not on a mission, Scorpios are still undoubtedly sniffing out clues. They're born detectives who are always on duty, analysts who never stop digging for answers, and investigators who are perpetually in search of information. A mystery is an invitation to these folks; what's below the surface is simply irresistible.

And speaking of irresistible, if you're attracted to a Scorpio and vice versa, whether it's been 24 years or 24 hours, rest assured that they'll never cease to amaze, astound and startle you. Just when you think you've got them all figured out (although you likely stopped laboring under that illusion shortly after you two met), they'll say or do something that will cause you to find them even more fascinating. They're loyal to a fault -- but maybe just a bit too jealous at times, so don't play games with that emotion -- and perfectly willing to fire walk for you. And whether or not you opt to make the relationship legal, 'until death do us part' will always apply. Their love will literally last forever!

Relationships are being healed, created and ended. As the Sun, Moon and personal planets dive into Scorpio, the Black Moon (Lilith) is stepping from Virgo into Libra. A relationship with each other, as well as our personal and collective relationship with the Earth is being tuned up by the Goddess power, indeed: All our Relations. The Scales may be tipping. Decisions are being made. In Scorpio choices are often made unconsciously. If there is truly an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, which one are you listening to?

Finally from an old French Proverb…”Everyone thinks his own burden heavy”

.

Sunday....

Woo Hoo - what an awesome day i have had!!! SCHMIIIIIICK!!! Lots of painting, laughing, eating and chatting... couldnt be better really...

Until it came time to go home and everyone had to clean up around me because i was madly painting the tree of life... i was left on the doorstep painting until the light failed... then i strapped a torch to my head and made my way home.... just kidding.

Mary Anchell was just the schmickest art teacher i ever had (even though she stifled a giggle when she came over and looked at my first painting as i was ever so studiously adding the finishing touches - she claimed she was sucking her teeth but i am not convinced...) and Mary Jaqui's meditation had me off with the pixies for quite some time... very schmick.

All in all a great time was had by all, cant wait til the next one (hope i am able to make it!!).


All was in an uproar at my home this evening... my middle child, the freak of nature is going away to camp to myuna bay sport and rec camp with school tomorrow. 5 days and 4 nights. Aaaahhhhh - i can smell the peace already. (sorry - i know i am evil and a bad mummy but you get that) She is beside herself with excitement and the bag has been packed and repacked at least 3 times tonight.....

Anyway, i better hit the sack as i will have to get up early to get everyone moving. At least the bus doesnt leave until 9.15am from school.

Ta Taa for now
luv jen

Saturday

Ok ok Anchell - here i am... have been watching trashy American shows on foxtel with my daughter - you know, little mother daughter bonding moment. I wont go into it though....

i have been thinking tonight about words that i love to say - don't ask my why, i still don't know how my brain works - it just does!! Here are some examples of words i love to say

Bohemian - i don't know why, i think it is the way it just rolls off my tongue, I feel like i can identify with that or maybe i am a wannabe - i don't know....

Frock - i love the word frock. People really smile when i say it and i say it at every opportunity. E.g. I love my frilly, floral frock!!! How cool is that... love it (p.s. i dont really have a frilly, floral frock!!!)

Vociferous - I heard a bonehead (i say that non-judgementally you know) footballer use the word 'vociferous' today on telly in front of a big crowd. I bet he learned it especially for the TV interview. What a crack up - i have to say that i thought it meant 'loud' but had to look it up for sure. According to dictionary dot com it means 'making a loud outcry; clamorous; noisy'. I might add that the footballer in question was referring to the crowd.

Festy - what a cool word to use for something that is a bit rotten. E.g. a festy frock!!! lol. (sorry - cracked myself up). I love the word 'festy' and try to get it in any opportunity. Makes me smile.



Well i am sure there is more, but with Anchell bullying me to post, its all i can come up with at short notice.

Have had a bit of a relaxed one today, as is my wont on a Saturday. Got some washing done, read the paper, tidied up a bit... you know, the usual.

One thing is - i do have a headache and have had for most of the day. Might have something to do with the fact that Elizabeth suggested that I give up wheat for a fortnight to see if it makes a difference to my wellbeing... (i wont go into details) - i thought ' fine - i don't eat much wheat anyway' - bull sh&* i say. I am gobsmacked at how many times i have reached for the jar of Pepita's and cashews, as i cannot have what i wanted. Eye opening and interesting. Maybe this headache is the result of withdrawal symptoms. Hopefully will be OK for tomorrow, if not will drop a handful of over the counter drugs.

I have been waiting for this workshop for years, i am so there its not funny!!! Cant wait, am looking forward to all aspects of tomorrow - the art, the spirituality, the like minded conversations.... everything. Aaaaggghhhhh - can hardly contain myself.

well might go and get some shut eye. i have been awake since 4.45am this morning - for some reason the sun woke me today.

DON'T FORGET TO PUT YOUR CLOCKS 1 HOUR FORWARD TONIGHT

- as the old saying goes 'spring forward, fall (autumn) back'

Love to all

Jen

Thursday........

Wow it is very quiet tonight in Blogland!!! Will try not to make too much noise or the echo may deafen me......

I have had a fantastic day today - filled with Mary's.

I started off with a visit to Rose Cottage to meet with Elizabeth and had a wonderful warm, coffee flavoured milkshake. Much truly enlightening and affirming conversation ensued. It was fantastic to finally meet someone in the flesh who i felt was already a friend and teacher. During the trip home i felt so tall and straight with much weight having being lifted off my shoulders and my spirit soaring. Once home i felt an amazing connection to the divine and sat in meditation to be visited again (for the second time this week) by hawk, who appears to have taken a liking to me and will be staying around for a while. All is well........

Wandered around blissfully before picking up the kids from school.

Went down and signed up action man for the Maryland Storm Under 8's Touch footy team - very exciting, he got a sky blue tshirt with the number 10 on the back - fantasmagorical.

Dropped him off for a ride in the truck with daddy and i took my girls up to charlestown square for a spot of jogger and jazz pants shopping. Had the great pleasure of meeting and greeting Mary's Anchell and Romy - how cool, 3 mary's in one day!!! Still deciding on my calendar - waiting for a blog warning of the Thai ones. Cant wait...... The peace and tranquility of the day was completely shattered upon entering Supre with my 2 teenyboppers.... loud, and gaudy and completely out of sync with my new found enlightenment...... never mind, i will recover!!

Went home via Jezzy centre and go lo for a set of cricket stumps and at the checkout what should i spy but soccer balls for 7c. Yep this is not a misprint - 7c. I bought a dozen (we go through lots of soccer balls here - cant know why but i suspect that this is where they come to die!!) - 12 soccer balls for 84 cents. Bargain of the century.

Well am pretty tired now - have had a big day. Am totally looking forward to going to bed tonight and experiencing what i fully expect to be amazing.... will let you know

lotsa luv
jen

Marymobile, haleys comet and coffee...

three for today

1. Anchells car - i can just see the huge grin on her cute little face when i read her excited blogs and comments...... it makes my heart sing to know she is SO happy!! (even if she is holding me to a doily!!!) just goes to show that what most of us take for granted, can really make someone else's as happy as a pig in poop!!!

2. Dinner - i dont know about other families, but i SELDOM (and it is by no means intentional) cook a meal that EVERYONE LIKES!!! This drives me insane. Tonight EVERYONE LIKED my dinner!!!! This is massive and is like Haleys Comet, only occurs roughly once every 75 years...... Although the sad reality is that next time i cook it, someone will HATE it!!!

3. Bushells - I LOVE my cup of Bushells Coffee when i come home from work as i do not drink coffee there (they have that revolting nescafe so i would rather abstain). Pure luxury. Anyone that knows me is aware that they are to let me make my own cup of coffee. I think i actually do not really like the taste of real coffee so LOVE Bushells which is mild. I have just less then a level teaspoon of it, with about 1/3 of a cup of milk then hot water last. MMMMMMM... yum.

RESIGNATION

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.

I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. (Well maybe not McDonalds....)

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. (Blue is best)

I want to lie under a big tree and play doctors and nurses with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all I knew were colours, multiplication tables (even 8 x), and nursery rhymes, and it didn't bother me, because I didn't know what I didn't know and I didn't care.

All I knew was to be happy because I was blissfully unaware of all the things that should make me worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible (i actually really do believe this already). I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simply again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow. (I do, I do, I do already)


So . . . here's my cheque book and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my mobile phone (what child doesnt have a mobile phone these days). I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause.........

"Tag! You're it.

Just for fun....

20 Ways To Maintain Your Sanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

3. In The Memo Field Of All Your Cheques, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

4. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

5. Don t use any punctuation

6. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "Take away."

9. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, 'RockBottom'.

10. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

11. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

12. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Hot chocolate, fairies and blogs

3 for today

1. Laughing - i had the great pleasure of sharing a cup of hot chocolate (well not really sharing, she had her own!!) with a great friend of mine last night in a darby st cafe. We have so much in common and only get together every now and again due to our overly busy lives. When we are together we laugh and laugh and laugh (and talk). Love it - laughing is good.

2. Coming home to find all my housework done - THE FAIRIES ARE BACK!!! no not really, damn it, my eldest had a day off school today with a sore throat and while i was out working at school all day she got the washing off the line and sorted it, washed another load, vacuumed, tidied the living areas and kitchen, even wiping over the benches. God love her.

3. Blogging - I am totally addicted!! I am at a loss to explain exactly what used to take up so much of my time online before i discovered blogging. I am forever grateful to Anchell for introducing me to this most wonderful of pasttimes and in the process assisting me to rediscover my spirit.

Bats, strawberries and friends....

Three things....

1. Bats - although when they take off the noise freaks me out a little (it sounds like someone running) i think it is cool to have them come and nibble in the palm trees out the front of my house.

2. The fruit and vege market - for 32 bucks i got 9 kilos of apples, 6 punnets of strawberries, 7 continental cucumbers, 2 pumpkins, 4 heads of garlic, 2kg of carrots, 1.5kg of peaches and 5kg of the yummiest tomatoes ever. What a bargain and the kids thought it was christmas with all those strawberries - they each had a punnet to themselves when they got home from school yesterday. Luxury!!

3. Friends - I have lots of friends - for every little thing - every event, moment or crisis. I am so blessed. Thank you all. MWA

The Millenium Tree

by Josephine Wall..... I love this image

thought i would post it and cheer myself up

You know how everything seems to be going well then all of a sudden it turns to sh#@. Never mind - am just dealing with stuff and trying not to be negative.

On a positive note - my two youngest kids are at a sleep over at a neighbours house - it is very quiet here. This is good. Very relaxing.

Am boring lately. Dont have any shiny new cars to name or bizzarre dreams to report. Sorry bout that.

Had a fun day yesterday though, went to the Fruit and Vegie market at Sandgate with my Sister In Law. Had a great time and saved heaps of money. I got 6 punnets of strawberries for $5!!! (among other things but that was the highlight). Can recommend it to anyone, dont forget to take your own trolley though, we didnt but luckily i saw a friend who was leaving that lent us hers. Its a long way to the car with an 18kg box of apples!! Anyway, am going to start a little syndicate and go over once a fortnight, sounds like a plan.

See how boring my life is - am excited by vegetables.

I have been to the library too - has anyone been to the new Wallsend Library yet - gee its good. Very modern and BIG - heaps bigger then the old one... Bought home 4 books, one i am particularly excited about called Weatherwitch by Cecilia Dart Thornton - this is the third book (brand new) in a trilogy called the Crowthistle Chronicles. Fantasy, magic, love it. Not big enough though, only about 400 pages. Short story for me. I am an obsessive compulsive reader. I only allow myself to read a book every month or so as NOTHING else gets done while i am reading. Well everyone gets fed (something quick and easy) but thats about it. The mess piles up around me and i dont see it. Hubby walks in and groans, oh god, she is reading.... Oh well, i could have a worse habit!! And i do try to be sensible about it.

Well i am feeling REALLY ordinary so i think i might call it a day - then try to do the three things, should be fun with my frame of mind.....

have fun
luv jen
xxx

For women over 40....

I got this in an email today (thanks Denise) and thought i might share it here - Love it!! (sorry to all my younger friends)



This is for all you women 40 years and over.... and for those who are turning 40, and for those who are scared of moving into their 40's... AND for guys who are scared of girls over 40!!!!...This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.

Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress..

Friends

Hi all - well the last few days since school went back has been absolutely manic. Late nights and early mornings. When i came home this afternoon i had a shock as i thought our house had been ransacked and then realised that it was just how we left it. Must do something about that tomorrow - bloody maid, am going to have to let her go as she doesn't do a damn thing around here!!!

So i have a much more relaxed day tomorrow - with just a morning assembly to attend so should be finished by 10.30. Aaaahhhh - what will i do with so much spare time. (besides tidy the house!!) Certainly I will be pencilling in some thinking time - as mindless merry-go-rounds don't allow much time for thought!!

I am relatively new to blogging and am not sure of the protocol etc when it comes to 'friends' etc. My self confidence is low-ish and do not want to seem presumptuous by adding people as friends when they may not want me to. Elizabeth - I am honoured that you call me friend, and Mary, and I cannot wait to come and play at The Cottage. Thank you for your acceptance.

I would also like to say that if anyone is happy for me to add them on my friends list, please leave your comment and i will add you post haste!! The more the merrier!!!

Our road will be smooth and untroubled,

no matter what care life may send,

if we travel the pathway together

and walk side by side with a friend.

Sweet dreams all

luv jen

xxx

Hatches, Milo and voices

Today's 3.....

1. Sitting down with 5 minutes to fill and opening last saturdays paper at what happened to be the 'hatches, catches and despatches'. What should jump out at me was the birth of the baby of a friend of a friend who i know has been trying for a baby for many years with several unsuccessful IVF attempts and miscarriages. How special. I bet they are over the moon. I have some idea how they must feel as i have spent 8 years of my life trying to fall pregnant and was declared 'infertile' by specialists..... (Hmmm - 3 kids later!!)

2. Lambton Park - sitting there watching Action Man in his first session of Milo Cricket (for 5 - 8year olds) at Lambton Park. I grew up in Lambton and know every inch of that park. I sat and looked around and could recall a fond or funny memory for everywhere i looked. Wow - blasts from the past can be cool sometimes eh...

3. Reading - I do reading in my sons kindergarten classroom each wednesday morning (when i am not called into work) and there is a gorgeous little boy who has not spoken a word ever since school started this year (he talks at home just not at school). He just looks at you with these huge chocolate brown eyes. Well something must have happened over the holidays because he actually read out loud to me today.... I was gobsmacked. He was terrified and kept shooting glances at me to see if i would laugh or something - i just played it cool and pretended i knew he would do it all along and he relaxed and read really well. Just amazing and lovely to experience...

Thanks for looking
luv jen
xxx

Balsamic, laughing and energy

Three things

1. Italian Roasted Tomato and Balsamic rice crackers from Sakata - yummo!!! (best low fat snack i have found)

2. Back to work today for my regular day per week at school - good to feel useful and get some things accomplished. I LOVE my boss - she and i have the same sense of humour (scary thought) and we spend most of the day laughing, we crack each other up..... love it

3. Amazing energy this afternoon that 'blew the cobwebs' from my 3rd eye area and ears and filled my heart to overflowing. I enjoyed the opportunity to think positive thoughts and strengthen my connection to the divine.

Very tired - had to go to a meeting tonight and didnt get home til late - very tired..... yawn

Size matters, sensitivity and good manners

Three beautiful moments of today...

1. Figuring out about posting pictures on blogger. After several failed attempt over 24 hours i finally found a forum for bloggers whose blogs are bogged in some way - one suggestion for images that wont upload was maybe the image is too big. I thought to myself "Self, that is a really big file, go back, re size it and try again". I did that and HEY PRESTO - it worked... simple really.

2. Madam 14yo. Who has been REALLY lovely lately. I have been privileged to experience the truly beautiful person she is inside. Exceptionally kind to her brother today, finding some CD's for him to play in his room and being really patient with him, and sister, helping sort out some really cool clothes for her to wear.

3. Canteen at the high school today. It always surprises me that with teenagers getting such a bad rap lately how many really well mannered young people there are out there. It restores my faith in humanity.

Size isnt everything

Oh and it seems that the image file was too large to upload - once i resized it there were no problems - typical male, they always say size isnt everything but in the end it is!!!

Black on pink/purple

Well here is the first artwork i have done that i feel comfortable putting out there - I wanted to try Anchells technique with wet watercolour on wet paper and did that first. Afterwards i sat and stared at it for a while and all i could see to add was this design that i have been doing ever since i was a child. I used to cover pages and pages with these lines. It was my form of doodling. I still love doing it and really wanted to put it on this paper. Usually i covered the whole sheet but this time i really felt to leave a section with just the background showing. So here 'tis

Family, roses and sleeping in

I was scrolling around - trying to get more information on blogging when i came across a link called 'Blogs of note' which i clicked on. One that caught my eye was a blog called Three Beautiful Things. I really enjoyed reading the blog and thought that i might like to do a similar thing.
Taking an 'attitude of gratitude' is very important to me and i try to think positively, although regular readers of this blog will know that i melt down every now and again (that is the human coming out in me!!). So here i go - in an attempt to find and blog positive moments every day are my three beautiful things of today......

1. My family - today has been a really relaxed and happy conclusion to the school holidays. Everyone has been really nice to each other for almost all of today. This makes a huge difference to the mood/energy in the home. For this i am grateful.

2. Roses - there are lots of rose bushes in my garden that i made an enthusiastic yet disastrous attempt to prune last year - made evident when virtually none of the bushes bloomed, bar the odd determined one. This year i admitted defeat and was too scared to touch any of them and have been rewarded with masses of colour - i spent some time today marvelling at the beauty and perfection Mother Nature is capable of. Simply stunning

3. Sleeping in - i enjoyed a lovely lazy sleep in this morning, the last (bar weekends) for the next 10 weeks. It was marvellous to just lie there, nothing pressing to do at all today except shop for 'school food' and give 6yo action man a buzz cut. Aaaahhhhhhh - luxury......

Well that was fun.

I am only having a minor panic though as i seem to be unable to upload images!!! OMG - how will i cope???????

Melting......

How hot is it?? Poor kitty is rolling around on the floor looking for the buttons of his fur coat - dont blame him. Too hot for this time of year.

I just drew and scanned an image that filled my head when waking this morning. "The building blocks of life" were the words that were with it and they seemed to fit together like Lego - (may have something to do with the lego in my lounge room, kids love it and am always stepping on the tiny bits that rip through the soles of your feet) Anyway - here 'tis. (The circles on the front are bumps)

Anyone seen anything like this before??

Change....

So much change... everything seems to be changing and evolving.
Friendships change, grow, consolidate and evolve.
Children grow (against all odds) - one 11 year old girl can skip a size in 2 months.
Same kid can love a meal i prepared a week ago and hate it today.
Communication lines seem to evolve into something new and need to be re navigated to make oneself understood.
Although its still illegal to lock children in cupboards.
Change is inevitable - i heard once that the only thing that is constant in the world is change.
Why do we cling so hard to what needs to be changed. Once the change is made then usually the reaction from most people is 'wow, this is heaps better' although the same person staunchly resisted in the first place.
It is really easy to say 'go with the flow', in reality it is much harder. For although something may not be serving us, sometimes we feel 'better the devil you know'.
To be 'the fool' and just step off into the unknown takes a lot of courage. Even changes that seem to be positive changes sometimes take a bit of getting used to.
I even find that some people around me (or one in particular) have trouble accepting when i make positive changes in my life, get resentful and 'poor me'. Try to lay on the guilt trip.
One change that i am struggling to deal with is my 14yo daughter who wanting to spread her wings, understandably, and start to experience more of life - like going to the beach with her friends, no adults. She only asked for the first time these holidays and as there was quite a large group of them going, i let her go. I have to say i was very happy to see her walking up to the car in the afternoon when i went to pick her up.
I know there will be many more 'firsts' for her in the months and years to come. I will just have to trust her and allow her to grow and evolve.

"I used to say, 'I sure hope things will change.'

Then I learned that the only way things are going

to change for me is when I change." -- Jim Rohn

"What the caterpillar calls the end,

the rest of the world calls a butterfly." -- Lao Tzu

So i will just keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, no matter the inclination of the path. If change is happening or inevitable, i will endeavor to go with the flow. But ultimately, my ability to deal with change is directly influenced by my previous 'performance'.

I am not sure where all that came from - only that i really needed to write it. It has helped to clear my mind and clarify things for me and maybe someone else will get something out of it as well.

Inadequacy.......

I am tired...... have been burning the midnight oil a bit lately and its all starting to take its toll(am not as young as i used to be!!).
I think i am a really boring individual. I read everyones clever posts and feel really inadequate. Maybe its just that i dont have a life!! Maybe because i am so trapped in being a referee during the school holidays - i dont know. I am feeling really run down at the moment. I really am a sensitive soul and the constant bickering and picking really get me down. Hey all you mums of older children, aside from locking the children in different cupboards, how do you deal with all the conflict? I get them out, I keep them busy, I do pretty much everything i can to keep the peace but they just seem to continually bicker.
What did i do wrong as other peoples kids just seem to mostly get on, or is this just an illusion. Hmm, no Mother of the Year awards for me..... maybe i should just go and sit in a corner and rock!!
Sorry for being so negative - the end of the holidays always do this for me!! Roll on Monday (although i am on bloody canteen, drew the short straw!!)

Big long sigh.........................

Monday....

Well the paint is drying 'chell - will let you know tomorrow.... Doesnt look real good yet though. Hmmm. I havent given up though - paper buckled too, musn't have taped it down properly i suppose. Practice makes purrfect!! I think the paper was too wet and the paint too dry. Thats my totally uneducated verdict anyway.

Had an interesting day with the kidlets today. All in foul moods, picking and tormenting each other without mercy. Drove me absolutely nutso!!

Am in need of a good sleep now as tomorrow is another day. Things can only go up from here. Its amazing how tiring the school holidays can be. Yawn. 7 more sleeps til school goes back. Yay.

Look out world - here i come....

Oh i am so excited......!!! Michelle - i have just wet my watercolour paper to stretch it, i got my gum tape today and am sitting here waiting for it to dry so i can wet it again and do my thing. I can hardly contain myself!! Hmmmm - a watched canvas never dries eh! ;-}

Mars and Venus in October

This came today in my latest Edgar J Winter Astrology email. I think it accurately reflects what I can see going on in my own life and in the lives of those around me so I thought i would share.

The Union of Mars with Venus!

This month features the sacred union of Mars and Venus joining together within less than10 degrees this entire month, and making their exact conjunction on Oct 24. This joining of Venus and Mars is also occurring near the Sun. Sun and Mars are exactly conjunct on Oct 22 and Sun and Venus are exactly conjunct on Oct 27. In this case the Sun is illuminating the shadow or denied aspects of our inner feminine and inner masculine sacred relationship often noticeably reflected in our external relationships.
A primary theme this month is centered on how to fully engage conscious loving equal partnership and relationship with ourselves and with each other. This involves being willing to engage what we have denied in ourselves, noting what is being reflected or mirrored to us in our outer world. If we have judgment towards self or others, if we are working to control outcomes, or repressing feelings, or a myriad of other things that diminishes our ability to love ourselves and to love life, then it is time to make a commitment to truly loving ourselves and to genuine personal growth and well-being. One way to begin is by asking what we need to release and what we need to embrace to create a more loving, fun, joyful life experience.
From:- Cayelin K. Castell. ‘Celestial Timings’.

Just for fun....

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colours.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN

I like Maxine... she says what I think!

My Law

I love this poem. I just came across it then while searching for something else in My Documents. I thought i might share it as I feel it has an important message.

MY LAW

The sun may be clouded, yet ever the sun
Will sweep on its course till the Cycle is run.
And when into chaos the system is hurled
Again shall the Builder reshape a new world.
Your path may be clouded, uncertain your goal;
Move on for your orbit is fixed to your soul.
And though it may lead into darkness of night
The torch of the Builder shall give it new light.

You were, you will be, know this while you are;
Your spirit has traveled both long and afar.
It came from the Source, to the Source it returns –
The spark which was lighted eternally burns.
It slept in a jewel, it leapt in a wave.
It roamed in the forest, it rose from the grave.
It took on strange garbs for long eons of years
And now in the soul of yourself It appears

From body to body your spirit speeds on
It seeks a new form when the old one has gone
And the form that it finds is the fabric you wrought
On the loom of the Mind from the fibre of Thought.
As dew is drawn upwards, in rain to descend
Your thoughts drift away and in Destiny blend.
You cannot escape them, for petty or great,
Or evil or noble, they fashion your fate.

Somewhere on some planet, sometime and somehow
Your life will reflect your thoughts of your Now.
My law is unerring, no blood can atone –
The structure you built you will live in – alone.
From cycle to cycle, through time and through space
Your lives with your longings will ever keep pace
And all that you ask for, and all you desire
Must come at your bidding, as flame out of fire.

Once list’ to that Voice and all tumult is done –
Your life is the life of the Infinite One.
In the hurrying race you are conscious of pause
With love for the purpose and love for the Cause.
You are your own devil, you are your own God
You fashioned the path your footsteps have trod.
And no one can save you from error or sin
Until you have hark’d to the Spirit within.

by Tieme Ranapiri

A bit more...

I thought of some more things that i forgot to share last night. I just want to add....

I believe in fairies - a little story - a few years ago when my girls were smaller (probably 4 and 6 years old) they were in their shared bedroom and both came running out to me, overexcitedly yelling 'mum, mum, come see, come see - fairies. I ran back into their room with them and they ran to the window - pointing to a tree outside the window saying 'look - in the tree - fairies can you see them. I couldnt see them. They were jumping up and down with excitement and most obviously looking at fairies - i was shattered that i couldnt see, i looked and looked, but was totally convinced by their reaction that they were there.

I also believe in Angels (believe is probably the wrong word - maybe 'know' is better) One memorable moment was when i went to be one night there was a huge angel in white kneeling next to my bed, in a prayer position - very special!

I am interested in indigenous culture beliefs - including Aboriginal and American Indian. (Larry's drumming takes me to places i know not where!!!)

I am attuned to Reiki II - although i am not sure of my Level II attunement as it was done on the spur of the moment.

I am clairvoyant, although not on command - I dont 'do readings' but definately get messages, often for other people, usually during conversations - but when i am put on the spot I go blank (probably something to do with my self worth issues and not feeling worthy).

I think thats it..... until i think of something else!!

Thanks for looking
Luv jen

Me.....

Well here I sit, day after day, avidly reading blogs about all manner of spiritual subjects from tarot to ET, and wish I could join you in your spiritual dialogue. I find it really hard to open up and lay myself bare to any but my closest friends. I think this has a lot to do with self worth issues (what could I say that would be of any interest to anyone??) and being out of practice.

I feel like i am a bit of a 'fringe dweller'. Even now i sit for long periods staring at the screen, with my fingers on the keyboard, my mind swirling with things i could say. Each one being systematically rejected as too trivial, too boring, uninteresting, not worthwhile...... my big thing.... self worth.

Where to start, I dont know. I do know though that this is important to my growth. Just as my recent purging episode has allowed me to release a lot of negative energy, so writing will allow me to confirm to myself where i am. (or am not, as the case may be).

I will start at the beginning. I grew up in a normal suburban house in Lambton. I have one brother. My father was absent a lot due to work commitments and mum basically ran the household alone. My father died suddenly when i was 20 of a massive heart attack. My mum still hasnt gotten over that and I still miss him dearly too. I wish he had gotten to know me as an adult, and met my kids. Im know he is around us, but its not the same as being able to see and touch him.

I have been with my husband for 23 years and we have 3 kids, Airlie (hormones on legs) is 14, Kira (the freak of nature) is 11 and Egan (action man) is 6. Our relationship is mostly good, Brad pretty much allows me to do or think whatever i want. He is only marginally interested or believing in anything spiritual. He sees himself as the breadwinner and does a great job of it. I work casually and relief in Admin in school offices. I love the work as it is so varied and different and i get to use my intellect and my creativity. I also love the interaction with lots of different people (most of them are intelligent - i like that, or kids - I like that too). I like working only a couple of days a week, although i often have stints of relief work, where i work lots more, sometimes full time for a few weeks.

I am obsessed by colour... and rainbows. I am interested in art and creating with colour (count me in for your workshop Michelle - i am so there). I love to create and am a bit of a computer nerd so graphic design and photo manipulation is what i am into now.

My belief systems are a jumble of bits and pieces taken from everywhere. I have no label. I have spiritual beliefs, I am interested in some parts of Bhuddism, Paganism interests me as do all 'Earth based' belief systems. I can accept that other races from beyond our stars play a part in our evolution. I revere Mother Earth as our nurturer and sustenance. I hold Astrology in great esteem, it having been proven to me time and time again as 'the blueprint of our lives'. I consider myself to be a 'student of humanity' as i am a 'people watcher'. I love to sit and observe people as they go through the motions of living their daily lives.

My big issues now are, as i have already said, self worth. There are many areas of my life that are extremely validated. In these areas i am very confident. I tend to focus on these areas, obviously trying to make up for the fact that there are other, more important, areas of my life that i have difficulty with.

My mind is blank now - I think that is all i have to say at this time.

Ta Taa for now.
luv jen

Jaqui's quiz....

An interesting exercise. Some of these questions were hard to answer......

I would be happy if..... I was more organised and everything was in harmony around me.

Others make me feel unhappy when..... I allow them to take advantage of me.

I feel happy when I..... am surrounded by peace and love.

I feel supported when..... someone takes the time to really understand where I am coming from.

The time when I have been most happy in my life was when..... I feel fulfilled and loved.

Something I am intending to do during my lifetime..... walk through a castle in Europe.

If I won Lotto ($1.25 million) tomorrow I would..... buy a house, a new car and lots of new clothes.

Something I think my partner or friend would like me to do for them is..... try harder to understand their point of view.

I feel worthwhile when..... I can help someone and make a difference.

I feel I am being taken for granted when..... I allow people to take advantage of my generosity.

I have difficulty saying no when..... I feel I have a responsibility to say yes.

I really enjoy life when I..... am loved, happy and fulfilled.

A happy time in my life between the age of 4 and 12. I was..... visiting with my cousins in Melbourne when I was 12 (we went down a lot but I particularly remember the time when I was 12).

I would like to give up..... smoking!

A present I would like to get from someone I love is..... flowers and a hug.

Something I would like to say to a loved one is..... I love you.

A hobby I would like to pursue is..... art and creating with colour.

I would like to spend more time doing..... nothing.

Food additives

Here are two photo's. This was an experiment at my child's primary school. The photo on the left is a ham sandwich. the one on the right is a mcdonalds cheeseburger. they both sat in these containers in a classroom for about 6 months. note the difference in appearance. the cheeseburger looks and smells about the same as a 'fresh' one. the ham sandwich.... well, look for yourself. I have a real problem with what is allowed to happen to our food. Look at this. Mcdonalds is marketed to our children.
I have another story to tell about chicken breasts. A butcher told me about breast meat. Normally they soak our breast meat in bleach, keeps them white and they soak up the water and this makes them heavier to sell. Ewwwww.
What about preservative 282 in bread. And monosodium glutomate. most of the population is allergic to these substances and the authorities allow them to fill our food. Its just not on.
I also have a real problem with 'diet coke' etc. these contain aspartame, or additive no. 951. Aspartame turns into a toxic sludge at 37 degrees. Most people are allergic to aspartame as it is a poison. It mimics the symptoms of diabetes, parkinsons disease etc. Very bad.
Watch what you eat.
I have a real issue with this - maybe if the government told us about these things then we could make the conscious decision to avoid them. As it is people dont know and keep merrily poisoning themselves and wonder why they get cancer or something.
Its a crime.
Sorry but i just felt that i had to spread the word.
luv jen