Friday 17 September 2010

cold

I have never felt something so cold. Cold and like marble. Cold and at peace. Finally out of pain. Finally able to run and jump and dance. Finally happy. After sooooo long.

I love you so much mum.

I am sorry.

I made mistakes and i want you to know that i had no intention of hurting you. I wish I could have been there for you in your last moments. But I take comfort in knowing that you didn't know what hit you. That you were gone before you even knew what was going on. If at all.

I have worried about you for longer than I can remember. Now you are gone, I feel a void that I don't know how to fill.

 

Oh and the kids. They are shattered. They have all written something for you. I know you already know.

RIP.

You will be missed more than you will ever know.

xoxoxoxxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxooxoooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo

Saturday 11 September 2010

Life Part 2

I had an interesting experience today….

I was walking around this house, being the usual Saturday morning domestic goddess, and the song Life by Sherbet (see previous post for the lyrics) was continually running through my head. I was absentmindedly singing it for about two hours when it occurred to me that the lyrics were a good description of what i am going through right now. So I went and got my iPod and listened to the song…. yes, very good, I listened again, ahhhhhhh reminiscing. Then, as i was in the Sherbet folder, it went to another Sherbet song and I got ‘You’re all Woman”. I thought, yes good choice - I most certainly am!!! Well then it got interesting. It suddenly played a song that we used to sing at The Ncle Spiritualist Church, Nat & Michelle will remember, “No Matter What” by Boyzone. This song has special meaning, and it also has a great spiritual message about remembering that the Goddess / God (whatever) will always be walking by your side. It got halfway through this song and then skipped back to Sherbet and played “Summer Love”… that was when I laughed and went back to my housework.

Now those of you with an iPod will recognise that once you select an artist to play, that is the only thing it plays. It was NOT on shuffle, it was on Sherbet. So there was definitely a higher hand pressing those buttons for sure. and the message it had for me was well received.

I will be using the song Life as the mantra for my next few months, and using it to boost myself up when I feel down. Thank you to whoever was sending that message, much appreciated.

xoxo

Life

 

Life
Life is for Living
Life
I can't waste one minute
I've got hopes, I've got dreams
I've got eyes I can see
I've got LIFE
Look at me I can dance I can sing
Let me make like a bell let me ring
I can run, I can jump, I can shout
I'm turnin' on my own roundabout.
I'll live my life and be free
I've got my eyes I can see
I've got my mind and I'm me
I'll life my life and I'm Free,
I can talk when I got something to say
All the things I do I do my own way
and the times when I may stumble and fall
I know in time I'll laugh at it all
I'll live my life and be free
I've got my eyes I can see
I've got my min and I'm me
I'll life my life and I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free
I'm FREEEEEEE!
Life comes and goes
Just as a river flows
And Life into time
Words into rhyme.
Life
Life is for Living
Life
I can't waste one minute
I've got hopes, I've got dreams
I've got eyes I can see
I've got LIFE
I'll live my life and be free
I've got my eyes I can see
I've got my min and I'm me
I'll life my life and I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free
I'm FREEEEEEE!

Wednesday 8 September 2010

Agggghhhhh the pressure!!!

Wow. I am faced with a very difficult task. Well I think it is difficult anyway. So I am going to try and explain it to you and in the process, i may be able to understand it and process it a bit better for myself.

Its no secret i am into Astrology. I have been following with interest, well more than interest actually, obsession is probably a better word! lol, the latest regarding the skies at this time of the evolution  of the planet. It seems that we are living through a very important time and the future may very well depend on us.

We are powerful beyond belief. We are the co-creators of our life. We are the co-creators of all life as we know it. I believe that this is true for any era or generation. But right now things are a bit more important. The feeling I am getting is that we are teetering upon the edge of a precipice. Time will tell which way we will go. Everyone everywhere is going through some kind of transformation. Stuff from before is being dredged up to be dealt with once and for all and left behind. Others are leaving all kind of relationships behind, if it doesn't fit anymore, then its time to move on. Like minded souls are gravitating towards each other. Honesty and integrity are finally more important than appearances and egos. The Cardinal Grand Cross is  stirring things up, forcing us to face up or ship out basically.

According to my own chart - right now is the time I have to determine the direction my life will be taking over the next decade or so and this is my dilemma. I have heeded my souls calling and left an unsatisfactory relationship, where I was not being honoured. This was in May this year that my physical being was able to break free, although my mental and emotional bodies were long since gone.  In these few months I have worked very hard to heal my entire being and to find out exactly who I am now. I was in that relationship for almost 27 years, being 18 when we first started living together. So my ENTIRE adult life has been spent in that relationship. So who am I. I am not a 17 year old child anymore, I am a 45 year old woman. I have gifts and talents and disabilities. I have opinions and knowledge and attitudes. I have freedom. I have the luxury now to find out exactly who I am and move on from there. I have certainly made inroads into this huge task, but am in no way even close to a quarter of the way through working it all out. If EVER???

What worries me now is that we are in the middle of this very important time in history, and in particular my own evolution, and I must make some choices on my direction by SEPTEMBER 12th!!! That's like THIS WEEKEND!!!! I am not worried about setting my bar too high. I know I can strive and achieve goals. My biggest worry is that I don't set it HIGH ENOUGH!!! You know, what if I aim to become a successful portrait photographer in my local community, and I could have set my eyes on the WORLD STAGE and ended up doing snaps of Brad and Ange’s brood in Hollywood!!! And I didnt know!!! So ended up here in Wallsend for the rest of my life being moderately happy and content when I could have been fabulously wealthy and rubbing shoulders with the rich of the world!!!!

So I guess that leaves me with the option of making open ended affirmations. Being really really careful to not use any limiting language at all over the next week or so. Visualising the highest forms of all areas that are of interest to me now, while also leaving room for new interests and growth.

So What do you think???

I am interested in your opinion

 

xo