I know I harp on and on and on about it. But I am totally sick of my disrespectful daughters.
I cant believe that after all the hard work that I have put into raising them, that they feel that it is ok to behave like this.
I am quite ashamed really. I feel like I have failed in a fundamental way. Where is the compassion and caring they were brought up with. Why have they ditched manners. I totally dont get it.
But then again, I totally do. I remember, I really do. I have been aware of this all along. I 'felt' I had acted accordingly. I thought I addressed the issues that I felt I was let down by.
Why too do I have to be sooooo sensitive. Why oh why cant I have some patch of thick skin that I can call upon in times of need.
Whats more. I hate my husband. Right now, I hate him a lot.
I suppose that if I smothered him in his sleep tonight I WOULD GO TO JAIL. How unfair is that.
I guess you are wondering why I am still sitting in this relationship if I hate him so. I guess the reason I have stayed is financial. Plus, he is a built in babysitter. If I left, then I would have to lose money every time the kids stayed with him.... Things arent usually that bad between us that I hate him this much. I just asked him why he doesnt stand up for me and why he wont support me. He just sat and stared at the telly. He wouldnt answer me. No matter how much I begged for an answer. He just ignored me.
I am pretty pathetic really.
When it all boils down... pathetic.
When I try to decide to leave, I get a really strong gut reaction 'NO!!!' I dont know why I am meant to stay. My guidance just twists my gut every time I decide to leave. I have to listen to that. I dont understand it, but I have to listen to it... for now at least.
Sad.. very sad.
Working tomorrow and tuesday at the school I hate. Yay. Not reallly. Sigh.
Sucks to be me right now.
I am sorry - I know that there are plenty out there that are doing it tougher then me - way way tougher. I shouldnt be feeling so sorry for myself. I am though. I cant seem to help it.
ta ta for now
Am at a pretty bad place right now in my head.
Its only uphill from here - :)