grumph.......

There it is.... in all its shapeless glory. Hang on, square is a shape..... right?? Bloody hell, how glad am I that I dont have eyes in the back of my head, I would hate to be looking down at that all the time.

AND, anyone who doesnt want to be made depressed should keep moving right along. Read at your own risk.

I am in a really shit place right now.

Like the cleanaway bin of shit from Taraunga Zoo just got dumped right on my head. Shittastic suckfest.

I warned you.

You know how you take a piece of news that just knocks you for 6, then seemingly everyone in the universe comes along and stabs, hits, kicks and punches you. Thats me.

Ok - im on the ground

you can stop now

My wonderful Sisterhood day yesterday was exactly what I needed to get out of this hell hole for a few hours. I kept sinking back into reality every now and again, and had to re-gather myself periodically, but all in all it was an awesome day. I even have homework. Excellent. One item in my package is something but i know not what. Hmmmmm - what do i do there mentors??? should i bring the little offending item in and discretely get you to tell me what it is? Stuffed if i know. Please advise if you see this.

Have been wallowing in my own self pity since I dropped the evil trolls to school. Now it is 1.52pm and only 68 minutes until I have to lay eyes on them again. Disrespecful, selfish, nasty, brats.

I fail to understand how everything is all my fault, as everyone in this house seems to think. Omnipotent.... thats me. My mission in life is to make life hell for everyone. Some people around here need to start owning up to their own shitfest.

I have been working really hard. I make some progress. This feels really good. I even start to feel a bit pleased with myself. Then it only takes a millisecond - one wrong word. One tiny moment. And wham. Am back there.

Do you want to know the scary bit.

Well if you are still reading, maybe you do.

I have very clear sight into why a lot of this is happening. Here is where it gets technical.

I have pluto sitting right on top of my natal ascendant. Pluto is the transformer. It is here to transform me. It is dredging all my shit off the bottom of the sewer and bringing it up for me to work through and deal with. Almost every situation that is presented to me, every blow to the temple, every kick in the guts, i recognise. I remember. Something that i have blocked. Hidden. Forgotten.

Time to pay girlfriend.

The good news is that it will only be there for another two years. pah

Another tear trickles.

I just hope i can last that long.

Apparently, at the end of this two and a half years, I will be transformed. I will be new. I will be 'reborn'.

I hope i am there to see it.

mmmmmmmm

thats enough of a pity party for one day.

Its given me an acidic tummy...... gripy pain.

I hate that.

going to sit quietly with my eyes closed in my comfy chair until the time of pick up comes.

have a list of jobs to do to keep myself busy after everyone gets home.

Its harder to hit a moving target.

Hugs and healing to Faerie, Mark, Lil and Razor.