My new cards

Working title. 'We are all mirrors' - oh yes, we so are.

This one is my last in my Elements series - can you guess....?

Yes, it is 'Air'. This one took a while, but now is done. Am happy now.

See you Saturday

absent cottager blog pist

Grrrrr

Kid wot was home sick on monday from school, seems to have picked up some virusy thing. throws up last night.... although, only once. sooooooooooooo, this means he is home from school AGAIN and i cant go to group again today!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr x heaps and heaps. add to this, that i couldnt go last night because i didnt have a cent to my name and this is one very unhappy MIA cottager.


HAPPY PILL UPDATE
Just cause you asked 'chelle, I took one last saturday. A couple of hours later i find myself drifting around, total space cadet. I felt like i was walking (and thinking) through honey. Took hours and hours for the feeling to wear off. Freaked me out more then a little. So I pondered for a couple of days without taking them. I decided on Tuesday morning to take half a tablet for a few days, then go up to one. Tuesday i felt a bit spacey again, but wednesday the spaceyness (is that a word?) only lasted a little while. Am feeling ok today. I feel, especially today, much calmer. Wind up opportunity arose this morning and I just didnt buy into it, more like the old me would have done. So.... am thinking.... maybe half will be enough. We will see. I need to go back to the doctors in a couple of weeks so i will talk to him about it. After writing this, and thinking about it some more, I think i will stay on only half a tablet....... what do you think?



Sooooooooooooo looking forward to SoulCollage with Kathleen on Saturday. You should come!! Its heaps of fun. I have been bored today so I went and made a couple of cards. I finally made "Air" to go with my elemental cards, and I made one about mirrors. Will post them later when I get a chance to scan them.

Going now - might play battleship with a bored boy who seems fine now and wishes he was at school (he isnt the only one).


mwa
Jen
xoxo

Hmmm... if i was a font, this is apparently the one I would be....?

I actually use this font a lot.

Saturday night sunset

Here is the view from our campsite at sunset on Saturday night. beautiful.

was very relaxing and actually lots of fun.

got a kid home from school today with a bit of sunstroke. nauseous and tired. he is improving though.

I have COPIOUS amounts of unpacking and washing now. how long did we go for again?? grrr

many hours have gone past since i started this pist. the boy is right as rain and arguing with me again. you always know that a kid is feeling better when it starts driving you nuts again.

very very tired

didnt sleep very well in the tent, and with copious vomit last night, not much sleep was had here either. going to hit the sack now.

have fun, will post more pickies another time.

mwa

jen

Home

Its all good

Had a really great weekend


Egan has a bit of sunstroke i think, he got his face a bit burned. His father thought i had done him and I thought he had done the sun block thing. He had been out in the sun for an hour or so before we figured out he had none on. He just came from bed and chucked up everywhere. Hmmm. Kid home from school tomorrow alert.

Will blog more later.

mwa

Its the weekend.....

SOMEHOW - I have managed to miss EVERY SINGLE THING at the cottage this week.

GRRRRR x lots

I miss you guys!!!


Here I am , almost packed and ready to leave for camping early in the morning. YAHOO. We are going to the Myall Lakes, I think it is called Shelly beach. Only accessible by boat.

Will try really hard and relax.


In other news. My doctor gave me three weeks supply of happy pills today. Will take the first one this evening. Will keep you posted.


Dream interpretation required.

I have my own ideas about this dream. If anyone has a clue, will be glad to hear it.

Will set the scene.


It is very dark. I am unafraid. I am walking home with a small child (not one that i recognise, indescriminate gender and about 2 years old). We are walking along bush tracks. I know the way and we are just going there. We come across some 'forestry workers' who tell us to halt. They tell us that they are 'burning up ahead' and we must go another way. I can indeed see a red glow of fire in the distance. Just as one of them goes to get us a map, a bush near us is starts to kinda spark. Blue sparks from the ends of the leaves. Then it starts to burn. Not hot or scary. Just gentle cleansing flames. I remember watching in fascination. I walked over to the lady with the map. She showed me on a crude map the way home and said i will be right if i stay to the south of the mountain, which i could clearly see on the map. I was a little concerned but we set off. I wake up.

Hmmmm - any thoughts??

anyhoo, gotta go and get some shut eye. Catch you next week.

Luv Jen
xoxo

.....

DAMN DAMN DAMN.

ANOTHER candle magic group that i havent been able to get to. Hubby worked late and got home at almost 8.20. SHIT. FARK.

hmmmm - am not happy... can you tell???


OH well, make lemonade from lemons. I will now be able to go tomorrow night. GOOD.


Thank you to everyone for your kind comments. I am making new insights daily. This is much good. yay.

More dolly steps.

all is well.



I had a LOVELY coffee with my friend Nat today. Well, a coffee that ended up lasting 3 hours. Most excellent. Lots and lots of catching up and filling in and information shared. Have I mentioned how lucky I am....???

going to get some beauty sleep.

hmmm, 11.11

dreams too!!! right Kathleen?


xoxo

and on and on.....

Ok - am still here.

Had a LOVELY lunch today at SJ's in Hamilton with my dear friend Lea. We have been friends since Kinder and she is one of the most amazing people i know. I am very lucky arent I. I have LOTS of amazing friends (yes you - you know who you are). We talked and talked. We whinged and whinged. We laughed and laughed. We talked without words and understood without explanations. Awesome. Love you Lea Lea


Had my appointment yesterday with Mel. Some progress has been made. I explained things she needed clarification about. This had the effect of making things clearer to me too. Some things that I have dismissed as unimportant have indeed been affecting more then i realised. Some things will need more talk. I have some homework. (Lisa, will you call her and let her know my track record on this one?) And yes, I have a doctors appointment on Friday afternoon to discuss the possibility of me embarking on the 'Happy Pill' journey. Hmmmmm........ Bit scared.


Have had a brainwave too. This might interest you Faerie. I mentioned in my last post that I am focussing on aspects of me that I feel are positive. Thus integrating and accepting them as me. Proving to myself that I am not so bad after all. Well I am going to make SoulCollage cards of them. Bring them from thought into the physical. Have been searching for images when I can, will blog the results when i manage to stick them down.

Anyway. Thats my pity party over. Am regaining myself bit by bit. And I know i sound a bit pathetic here, but, this has been a pretty intense couple of weeks for me. Incomparable to others pain, but real nontheless. I wish i was stronger. I will be stronger. I will be more confident. Am taking dolly steps here, but they ARE going forward... and will continue to do so.


Thinking of my beautiful friends and their families that are doing it tough at the moment. Lots of people are being forced to reach further inside at the moment. . . . .

Have a lovely Wednesday.
Jen
xoxo

so life goes on......

Well things have settled down a lot over here.

Am still really sad and have a lot going around in my mind. Kinda like the way it is described here. I have talked to lots of the people that are close to me and I have listened to the advice that was commented here (yes 'chelle i have listened). I have a lot that i cant, at this moment in time, comprehend. Some things I cant figure out how to implement. Some things are an easy step.

I think this will be a process that will take some time.

I have my second appointment with a psychologist on monday. This will be more fruitful then my first which was a getting to know you type session. I am (now) open to the prospect of taking some kind of medication for this depression or whatever it is. And for anyone who knows me will understand that this is a REALLY big step for me. I have never wanted to take anything because I dont want to suppress anything that needs to be dealt with and push down things that will only come back to bite me on the square arse later anyway. I am also a bit scared because i know of quite a few people who have had very negative reactions to these types of drugs.

I am spending my time at the moment (not doing housework, like i really should be) thinking a lot. I am trying to focus on the thi ngs that I can dredge up as being positive aspects of me. Things that ARE strong and healthy. Am trying to build on them.

Create for myself a ladder that I can climb up and out of this hole i have dug for myself.

So thank you my friends. Thank you for honestly supporting me with your wisdom and words of encouragement.

Now i think i might have to go and face up to all that housework.

Avoidance tactics are kinda not working. PLUS I can think whilst vacuuming.

Good plan.

Chiastolite Cross (Cross Stone)

Chakra: Base, 1st & Heart, 4th.

Ruling Planet: Saturn, but not as suited to astrological use as some other Saturn gems -


Chiastolite is a variety of andalusite, sharing those properties in addition to the ones below. Also known as the "cross stone" because of a natural cross pattern, produced by a darker axis and angles colouring. This is the key "signature" by which to understanding its valuable properties. The fact that this stone has had its uses so clearly indicated by those with even a preliminary knowledge of geometric and numeric qualities, is an indication of its importance.

Chiastolite is primarily a stone of balance, stability and harmony, as traditionally indicated by the cross. It can help with physical, mental, intellectual and emotional stability, enhancing problem solving and adapting to change. It can enhance spiritual awareness and inspiration, as well as astral travel and practical creativity.

Chiastolite is used for healing rheumatism, blood disorders, veins, blood circulation, balance of blood pressure (high or low), and lactation. It has a specific use in balancing all base chakra energies.

Found it... along with an angel... thanks Lisa - I am truly blessed


I honestly dont remember you giving this to me, I must have been in a bad place then too. It found me when I needed it again.

I think I will have to get our friend Deb to make a little pouch for it - then I can wear it all the time.


The properties listed above are EXACTLY what I need.

I am more then a little freaked out by this.

Thank you


am calmer now

Help

Does anyone know what this crystal is?? I have scanned both sides of it...... I dont remember ever getting it but it fell out of a box of stuff that needs sorting yesterday. It feels very powerful and truthfully I am a little in awe of it.

In other stuff.....

I cant seem to find my strength.

I am a woman on the edge. It doesnt take much to tip me over.

I just dont know what to do to change things. I am thwarted and attacked no matter which way I go.

I feel an urgency to make changes because i fear for the future.

I used to be happy, confident and strong. Where did i go. Has just the constant battering worn away my confidence and strength. More importantly, how do i get it back.


I just want to crawl under a rock at the moment.


Wishing for an angel.......

grumph.......

There it is.... in all its shapeless glory. Hang on, square is a shape..... right?? Bloody hell, how glad am I that I dont have eyes in the back of my head, I would hate to be looking down at that all the time.

AND, anyone who doesnt want to be made depressed should keep moving right along. Read at your own risk.

I am in a really shit place right now.

Like the cleanaway bin of shit from Taraunga Zoo just got dumped right on my head. Shittastic suckfest.

I warned you.

You know how you take a piece of news that just knocks you for 6, then seemingly everyone in the universe comes along and stabs, hits, kicks and punches you. Thats me.

Ok - im on the ground

you can stop now

My wonderful Sisterhood day yesterday was exactly what I needed to get out of this hell hole for a few hours. I kept sinking back into reality every now and again, and had to re-gather myself periodically, but all in all it was an awesome day. I even have homework. Excellent. One item in my package is something but i know not what. Hmmmmm - what do i do there mentors??? should i bring the little offending item in and discretely get you to tell me what it is? Stuffed if i know. Please advise if you see this.

Have been wallowing in my own self pity since I dropped the evil trolls to school. Now it is 1.52pm and only 68 minutes until I have to lay eyes on them again. Disrespecful, selfish, nasty, brats.

I fail to understand how everything is all my fault, as everyone in this house seems to think. Omnipotent.... thats me. My mission in life is to make life hell for everyone. Some people around here need to start owning up to their own shitfest.

I have been working really hard. I make some progress. This feels really good. I even start to feel a bit pleased with myself. Then it only takes a millisecond - one wrong word. One tiny moment. And wham. Am back there.

Do you want to know the scary bit.

Well if you are still reading, maybe you do.

I have very clear sight into why a lot of this is happening. Here is where it gets technical.

I have pluto sitting right on top of my natal ascendant. Pluto is the transformer. It is here to transform me. It is dredging all my shit off the bottom of the sewer and bringing it up for me to work through and deal with. Almost every situation that is presented to me, every blow to the temple, every kick in the guts, i recognise. I remember. Something that i have blocked. Hidden. Forgotten.

Time to pay girlfriend.

The good news is that it will only be there for another two years. pah

Another tear trickles.

I just hope i can last that long.

Apparently, at the end of this two and a half years, I will be transformed. I will be new. I will be 'reborn'.

I hope i am there to see it.

mmmmmmmm

thats enough of a pity party for one day.

Its given me an acidic tummy...... gripy pain.

I hate that.

going to sit quietly with my eyes closed in my comfy chair until the time of pick up comes.

have a list of jobs to do to keep myself busy after everyone gets home.

Its harder to hit a moving target.

Hugs and healing to Faerie, Mark, Lil and Razor.

Ten Good Thoughts to Ponder for 2008

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers.What you do today might burn your arse tomorrow

Number 5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.

Number 3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2 In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought For 2008:We know exactly where one horse with disease is located among thousands of horses in Australia. But haven't got a clue as to where hundreds of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Ministry of Agriculture in charge of Immigration.

OMG - I can TOTALLY relate to most of this... Thanks Gina

What Jenni Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Ha ha

Shit Happens - Pagan Style

Dianaic: Shit happens when men are around.

Norse: If shit happens, beat the crap out of it.

Feminist: Get in touch with your inner shit.

Solitary: If shit happens; Duck!

Eco-Feminist: We've got to clean up this shit.

Gardenarian: Shit happens in degrees.

Alexandrian: Shit happens because Gardner told us so.

Dabbler: We have ways of making shit happen.

Eclectic: We make our own shit.

Newbie: I don't understand this shit. -OR-I like this shit.

Ceremonial Magician: No-one understands my shit.

Wiccan: You must balance your shit.

Witch: I can use this shit.

Druid: This is old shit.

Greek: Let's drink to this shit.

Reconstructionist: This shit happened before.

Celtic: This shit keeps happening to us.

Modern Western: We'll fight to keep our shit.

Fundamentalist: We know who to blame for this shit.

Priest: This shit happens every year.

Traditionalist: Don't tell anyone about this shit.

Fam-Trad: I inherited this shit.

Visionary: Let's smoke this shit.

Former Catholics: If shit happens, I'm not to blame, I'm not to blame...

Techno-Pagan: This shit always happens when I'm online.

Rain...

A lovely coolish, if maybe a bit humid day.

Some kind of bomb has obviously exploded in the hovel. There is crap absolutely EVERYWHERE. Not a room that isnt trashed. I think the maid has gone on strike, I might have to let her go altogether, she is hopeless.

Enthusiastically took the kidlets to school today, they will be there FOR A WHOLE WEEK!!! Yay. I felt kinda ripped off last week with the pathetic back to school for 2 and three days... not fair.

Had a lovely day at Soul Collage on Saturday. We made cards inspired by the elements. I found Fire and Water with relative ease... Earth came along reluctantly, and Air evaded me altogether so far. I have put it out there though, it will come. Here are my new cards

Fire

Water

and Earth

I think Earth needs a little more work.... but still, am happy with them. Now if I could just get some Air..................... gasp

Gotta go and shower the body.

Have a lovely monday

Jen
xoxo