It has been a day of disappointments. A day of realising that some things that I hold dear dont regard me in their top ten at all... maybe not even their top one hundred.
Very disturbing and quite distressing really.
A crystallised moment in time when I was left standing while everything else just fell away and shattered on the floor around me.
Further to the see saw day of yesterday - this one was like the slippery dip into the abyss.
Strange - i was seeing on the fringes of what was left that which is positive for me.
Like a stripping away of all that doesnt serve... which is good!! But when it slams you in the back of the head, caught unawares was I.......
I feel incredibly raw and super sensitive, and my trust for what I can see and feel has plunged to an almost non existant level.
If only I knew where I was heading.... If only I knew where to trust....
Part of my (a pretty big part actually) just wants to pack the car and drive without stopping.
The robot part is just going through the motions, washing, cooking, etc... trying not to feel.
s'ok - I have a straw and can find some air from being face down in this pile of shit.
one day at a time.......