Thursday, 11 December 2008

One foot after the other....

Like the name of my blog.

I have become quite cynical lately. Life has been handing me lemons and i need to start making lemonade. And FAST.

I am sick of myself.

Trying to work through the problem which appears to be multifaceted.

Trying to get to the bottom of it. Again. Which i have been back to several times and it just seems too hard and next thing i know am on the phone to the denial hotline. This time it is harder again - as brushed away issues tend to become.

A while back i predicted that if i didnt learn the lessons pluto was trying to show me then i would get them over and over again until i did get it and it would come from people who i care about a lot. They would hurt me more then strangers or aquaintances ever could. I am there now. My real friends are delivering hard messages to me. And sometimes it can be quite painful.

I understand that it has been my 'apathy' or 'sliding along in my comfort zone' that has created this.

I find myself hanging over a precipice now. I WILL NOT FALL.  I know this. There is too much to lose. I do not want to start again.

I need a starting point to begin the search. I need somewhere in which to hammer my anchor.

On another note. Big girl got her School Certificate today. She did extremely well and we are very very proud of her. So she is finally free to spend her days making sure the lounge doesnt float away..... its a hard job but someone has to do it.


Faerie said...

Congratulations, excellent School Certificate News!

Have you finished your Treasure Map yet?

I am still finding images ... as I keep on thinking of one more thing!

Keep Smiling!

Btw, my mood ring is purple :-)

Lisa said...

what is this about ? hhhmmmm

Natalie said...

Oh dear, if you leave me can I come too?
Or we could always stay -
on the lounge with your big girl. That sounds heavenly.

Good job A.!
Bet you glad that part of your school life is behind you and lots of new and exciting experiences to look forward to. (Which won't be a long speech about bloody Scotland!) xo

Anonymous said...

I only realised today that I hammer my anchor too much onto outside circumstances, other people, outside events. When they disappear, so does my sense of safety. The real anchor is me... there are things I can do to find my ground.

By the way, can I have the number for that hotline?

Oh, hang on.... I think I already have it....


Ali said...

try not to be be hard on yourself. Things will fall into place :-)