am a puddle....

am a puddle....

suffering post traumatic stress disorder or some such thing methinks...

have been unable to do much today but read, wander out and dip in the pool, and eat, with brief forays into cyberspace.....

have had huuuuuge few days

the whole trauma of SPF

then brads rello's on boxing day

then my family reunion yesterday.......

too much for this little huge black duck



yesterday was incredible.

except for the photos which have made me leave my house of denial and back into stark reality. MUST. DO. SOMETHING. ABOUT . MY. WEIGHT. 

Personal astrologer reckons it will come off with the detox course of drops i am on at the moment.... which is making strange purging things happen too. like reliving old issues/events and nurturing myself through them. tis good (but scary)

back to the story,

met some relations that i havent seen in decades, and some that i havent ever met. some that i havent seen since i was a child and some that are children. Like the two little italian cousins, 4 and 6 years old, and incredibly adorable with the most gorgeous italian/english accents... like Sophie Loren.... (one of them WAS sophia!!)

i found a cousin that i was named after. and heard some stories that made some things really click into place.

wow

still reeling really

my cousin who has the same name as me (first and middle - and is 20 years older then me) is my dads sisters' child. my aunt was incredibly psychic i am told - and this cousin takes after her... we had a tangible connection that we both felt from the mintute we walked in the door . It wasnt until we were almost ready to leave (8 hours later) that we found out we have the same name....

exchanged phone, numbers and email addresses etc and will definately be keeping in contact with her. excellent


and my two michevious little twin cousins - who are now 34!! and web developers and code writers and world travellers and one has a wife name Fuschia!! incredible. hilarious and still michevious - piss takers for sure.


i counted about 8 school teachers there, including a principal, who has asked that i bring over my resume and i will probably get some work!! excellent

all in all it was an incredible day.......


today however

has been spent deep inside my head, and deep inside my book.... and not much in between. Like a thick fog has descended and everything is kinda muffled.

Like you were saying Nat about those that knew you before.... it is kinda like that - all those people, and everyone that was my age(ish) or older can remember me - and has stories about me when i was young.... and i dont remember myself.... my childhood is blurred to me - yet these people remember.

hmmmm - sent  me deep down...... still trying to sort it......

frikkin hot too


gotta go

hugs
xoxo