Happy saturday night to you all.
I am a bit on the melancholy side tonight. i have been trying really hard to set some things to right. i have been really respectful and caring. I have not nagged or whinged (well maybe only a tiny bit). I am pretty happy with myself. I seem to be learning the lessons of the past.
Memories have been re surfacing. Stuff from loooong ago. Stuff that I had totally forgotten. Oh, having an almost 17year old in the house has made me look at some stuff.
It is interesting to note from afar what things push my buttons and which things I can easily deal with. I am quite amazed at how many things that I should be ok with, things that remind me of when I was young, these are the things that I really am not dealing with very well. I dont really get that.
I am sooooo immersed in teenage shit right now. It is consuming me. I have been able to take a small step backwards to get some perspective, but all in all, this seems to be the thing that I need to sort out RIGHT NOW. This is where I need to concentrate my healing energies. To bring into play the inner peace that I have deep within me. To bring out the strength that I thought was lost.
Teenagers deploy such emotional warfare. They are sooo on their own rollercoaster emotionally that they cant help but to offload some of it onto their loved ones. I am a particularly sensitive person. One who does take things to heart, when I shouldnt. But still.... I do...
I dont want to be hard hearted. I do need to toughen up my skin though. I need to let some things wash off me. Not be affected.
I am winning. Small step by small step. I know and can feel that I am making progress.
Most days are really good. Most days I am really really happy.
Most days I can deal with whatever is thrown at me.
some days however... some days I am like a shattered mess. An emotional wreck. I am working on reducing those days by as huge an amount as I can. I am gaining some level of emotional control. I am recognising my own trigger points and am trying to head myself off at the pass. A lot of times it works. Its hard work. But am managing. Yay me. Sigh.
I still feel quite ripped off at times. I have had the 'misfortune' to have been confronted by some of the goody two shoes friends of my daughters mothers. They all make sure to tell me good and long about how perfect their kids are, how their teenagers are hard working, considerate, great friends, balanced, studying hard, non-trouble making... need I go on. I wish wish wish that I had one of those. Although.. I am not sure that they exist. Sigh... But still.... how much easier would it be.
Sigh again. No growth without pain, no pain without growth.
look after yourself
(¸.·´Lotsa luv from