I find myself on the subject of Care today
Caring about someone.
Caring too little. Caring too much.
How do we know.
It is a big thing of mine. I dont feel that anyone really cares about me. They might 'love' me. Because I am their daughter, sister, etc. Not because they actually truly feel any kind of caring feelings about me. I guess I could drop off the planet and all most people would worry about is who is going to wash their clothes, take them somewhere or fix it up when things go wrong. (within my family, my friends are a different matter entirely!)
I have been thinking about family relationships today. How we are forced into relating to these people. People who sometimes, if we encountered them on the street, we would give them a wide berth.
So what does genes have to do with it. Commen ancestry. Blood ties. I dont know.
Somehow, in this lifetime, it all seems to hinge on me. Its all up to me. My shoulders, although broad, are not strong enough to hold all of this up right now. I am buckling under the pressure. I am trying hard to no avail. Like vegemite, I am spread very thin.
Somehow, in this lifetime, they have knocked me over and everytime I get up they charge again. The things my dear old mother said to me today were just really mean when I thought about it. The things that are foremost in her mind have nothing to do with my happiness. That comes a dismal last.
Caring. Very different to love.
Caring. I know my wonderful friends care about me. I know that without fail I will be supported and cared for if I am sad or upset in any way.
If this happens within my family I either get told off, ignored, told I must have deserved it, etc.
So much going on right now.
So much trying to understand and assimilate.
Another blow today. I lost one of my 'one day a week jobs'. (I have 2 of these) Tomorrow will be my last day at my least favourite school. On one hand it is a blessing, on the other, it is a bugger.
Must be aware of opening doors and windows now.
I have some photos still coming from Stroud weekend away.
Here is the rock I painted and left up there on the window sill. There is painted and handmade things everywhere up there, so I thought I would contribute. I liked it so much I painted another one to bring home for me to keep.
Am loving the contrast between the painted rock and the little pebble on the sill alongside it.
Working last day tomorrow.
(¸.·´Lotsa luv from