HELP!!!

Oh dear ... I need help.

All my buttons are being pushed and my many insecurities have come rushing to the forefront....

I have a meeting tomorrow regarding a website i have been booked to create FOR MONEY!!!

Oh my god - I have 3 websites that i have created out there in cyberspace at the moment. One for the school that i created and update every week at work, and the education department pays me to do that amongst other things, so that is ok. I also have two more that i have done for love.

Ok - here is where i fall down.

This is what i seem to be unable to 'get'.

I have value!!!

My time is valuable as is my knowledge!!!

I have a skill that not everyone else has, and it is fair and right for me to be paid for something that i can do that they cannot - especially when they have plenty of money to pay me...

I do....

I can.....

So if i believe all that (which i do in my head but not my heart {or is it the other way round}) why do i feel like i am being a fraud, or a rip off or something - i dont know what - why dont i get it. I 'do' australian bush flower essences and have given away far more then i have ever charged for..... idiot i know.

Its self worth (or lack thereof) and self confidence too.

Although i KNOW i will do a great job because i have a fine attention to detail and always put in 110%. Why do i freak at charging for my skills.

This comes up for me over and over again, obviously because it remains un-dealt with - long sigh....

When will i get it.....

Woe is me.........

Jen

xxx

Kathleen, where is yours?????

Come on - Rylah pushed me, now i am pushing you (lol) - get 'em up online girl, for all the world to see!!!

Here we go.....

Just to prove that i CAN be bullied - here you go Rylah (lol), my pictures from sunday's workshop with Anchell - they are still unfinished - will repost when done. I promise.

This one has a bit of an amoebaish feel to it i think. Dunno what is going on there though what i was getting was "connection to all things" Unfinished - will repost when done.

Hmmm - Tree of life. Still with most of its curly branches unfinished. Plus decoration on those curly branches. I looked at my mobile at the time and thought to myself, 'cool, an hour and a half to go' - daylight savings time, in reality i had like half an hour, i hadnt reset the clock. Thats when Michelle left me on the doorstep with my paintbrush in my mouth, trying to finish the curly branches (cue violin music). Sniff sniff.... Also unfinshed, will repost when i am finished this one..

Luv Jen

Full moon info

Here is the latest weekly timings from Edgar J Winter - very interesting i thought. So i am sharing it with you....

The full Moon is in Taurus plays the role of ‘baggage handler’ on the 5th November!

This full moon period is like being a ‘bellboy’ at the local hotel and has a lot of work to do. A family of five intense Scorpio visitors are opposite this service guy and he is seen as having a mountain of Heavy Baggage’ to move or carry. You probably have a heavy burden to bear. These may be your own burdens or they may indeed be other peoples. Be careful that you are not doing too much for others. Bellboys or ‘Porters’ having too much to carry can lead to bad posture, bad backs or a distorted infrastructure. Don’t let yourself be used to carry other peoples’ stuff’!

Mercury is in retrograde in Scorpio until November 17th. This gives us extra time to rework the energies. The thrice annual backwards cycle of the communication planet is a time when the flow of information slows. Data may be lost, conversations misconstrued and machines more likely to break down. Greater care in how you speak and more attention to details helps to avoid these problems. From a positive perspective, the inward turn of the mind can allow reflection and research that deepens understanding of yourself and others.

In alchemical magic, Mercury as Hermes sits on top of the vessel of transformation and keeps the juices cooking. We're all be cooking in this cosmic soup we are in together. What shall we make of it all?

Even when they're not on a mission, Scorpios are still undoubtedly sniffing out clues. They're born detectives who are always on duty, analysts who never stop digging for answers, and investigators who are perpetually in search of information. A mystery is an invitation to these folks; what's below the surface is simply irresistible.

And speaking of irresistible, if you're attracted to a Scorpio and vice versa, whether it's been 24 years or 24 hours, rest assured that they'll never cease to amaze, astound and startle you. Just when you think you've got them all figured out (although you likely stopped laboring under that illusion shortly after you two met), they'll say or do something that will cause you to find them even more fascinating. They're loyal to a fault -- but maybe just a bit too jealous at times, so don't play games with that emotion -- and perfectly willing to fire walk for you. And whether or not you opt to make the relationship legal, 'until death do us part' will always apply. Their love will literally last forever!

Relationships are being healed, created and ended. As the Sun, Moon and personal planets dive into Scorpio, the Black Moon (Lilith) is stepping from Virgo into Libra. A relationship with each other, as well as our personal and collective relationship with the Earth is being tuned up by the Goddess power, indeed: All our Relations. The Scales may be tipping. Decisions are being made. In Scorpio choices are often made unconsciously. If there is truly an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, which one are you listening to?

Finally from an old French Proverb…”Everyone thinks his own burden heavy”

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Sunday....

Woo Hoo - what an awesome day i have had!!! SCHMIIIIIICK!!! Lots of painting, laughing, eating and chatting... couldnt be better really...

Until it came time to go home and everyone had to clean up around me because i was madly painting the tree of life... i was left on the doorstep painting until the light failed... then i strapped a torch to my head and made my way home.... just kidding.

Mary Anchell was just the schmickest art teacher i ever had (even though she stifled a giggle when she came over and looked at my first painting as i was ever so studiously adding the finishing touches - she claimed she was sucking her teeth but i am not convinced...) and Mary Jaqui's meditation had me off with the pixies for quite some time... very schmick.

All in all a great time was had by all, cant wait til the next one (hope i am able to make it!!).


All was in an uproar at my home this evening... my middle child, the freak of nature is going away to camp to myuna bay sport and rec camp with school tomorrow. 5 days and 4 nights. Aaaahhhhh - i can smell the peace already. (sorry - i know i am evil and a bad mummy but you get that) She is beside herself with excitement and the bag has been packed and repacked at least 3 times tonight.....

Anyway, i better hit the sack as i will have to get up early to get everyone moving. At least the bus doesnt leave until 9.15am from school.

Ta Taa for now
luv jen