Well, monday evenings to be precise.....
monday evenings the girls both have dance lessons, so not only do i have to make four trips into wallsend, but i have to put up with them afterwards. The eldest isnt too bad, she just disappears into her room, its the middle treasure that comes home tired and snappy, she just came ou t and screeched at me that she hates us and this house because it is so boring and there isnt anything to do. .....
joy
then i saved her life - i didnt follow her into her room and smother her with a pillow...
sorry... evil i know....
roll on bedtime.
and i broke the news today at canteen - swapped my day. so now i am free to go to arty farty class. you are going to let me go arent you 'chell? one good thing about the swap is that i get to free myself from a woman that i have been rostered on with for about 4 years spanning two schools. she is driving me nuts!! in a non judgemental way of course. ahhhhh no more..... its all good.
am looking forward to a wonderful day of peace tomorrow. wish i could sleep in.
might go and put on a movie. I have been having a real oldie but goodie time lately. i borrowed 'Priscilla, Queen of the Desert' last week - what a scream. i LOVE that movie. god guy pierce is HOT. even if he is wearing a frock. today i borrowed 'the castle'. i havent seen either of them for donkeys years. looking forward to a mindless giggle. hmmm, might go 'muriels wedding' next.
tomorrow i intend to paint or draw or something.
will definitely do something crafty. i found a blog called 'french toast girl', she is putting out a challenge to everyone to do something creative every day in may. i might have a go at it i think.
mustnt forget to re-create 'chell's eyes and put on the desktops of my girls computers... heeheehee. good one 'chell.
looking forward to Wednesday morning
totally, totally sick of being fat, unfit, unhealthy...... would even go as far as to say 'ashamed to be me'. want to give up the fags too ('cept guy pierce of course *sigh*). need to start looking after my temple. right now its only fit to be bulldozed and the land reused to build a cheap block of flats. tragedy.
well thats enough whining for one night
will post a pickie of whatever i end up doing tomorrow
xoxo
Monday 30 April 2007
Sunday 29 April 2007
a miracle...
Well here i am trying to think of something to pist.
my life is boring...
We went to my mums this afternoon to replace two fluorescent light fittings in her house, joy...
managed to offend my brother (pft, how hard was it) because he thinks we have the shits with him because we didnt ring him and ask him to come and help. WTF?? Truth being, if we had of rang him to come, he would have got the shits because we asked him.... damned if we do, damned if we dont.... rather do without the whinging in my face and let him blow his steam where i cant see him.....
ahhhh.... you can choose your friends......... you know the rest.
oh yes the miracle....
hang on - gotta go and read a kid a bedtime story....
back again.. nearly fell asleep myself, my eyes are hanging out of my head - not a good look i assure you.
the miracle - has been on my mind a lot today.
did you notice the flower at the top of this post. It is a Hong Kong Orchid. I have two of these trees in my garden. They are about 40 metres apart. they are not flowering now. i watch them because they are the most exquisite flower i have seen so i know when they are flowering. the picture doesn't really do it justice, should have searched longer for a better picture but am too tired..... on with the story!
i came home the other day and found a single flower, right in the middle of the path to my door, about halfway between the trees. How did it get there. they are not flowering. i checked. i also checked the web to find out when exactly it flowers and it flowers from november til march. it is the end of april. and how did it get there - i cant imagine what direction the wind would have been blowing to blow one there had they even been flowering. yet here it was, fresh as ever. just sitting there. in my path.
its a miracle. a gift. why......? i don't know. have been pondering this muchly today.
a gift.
i am blessed
i am going to bed now as i am totally stuffed and i have to do canteen tomorrow (joy of joys). am going to break the news to the lovely canteen supervisor that i cannot do mondays anymore because i am going to be going to arty farty classes. assuming that 'chell doesnt bar me.
well some more deep and meaningfuls have been flooding my mind and i have to go and think. some things are falling into place methinks. good.
nighty night
xoxo
Beautiful ......
This is a very beautiful clip.....
http://www.lightmovie.com/
and yes anchell, will pist properly later... sorry, am a crap blogger!!
http://www.lightmovie.com/
and yes anchell, will pist properly later... sorry, am a crap blogger!!
The latest from Edgar J Winter..... interesting
MAY
May is universally a FIVE month of change and a full month of change it will be. Also, with Jupiter square Uranus winds of change, May provides the second turning point of 2007. Also May contain two Full Moons, which then changes the order of the New and Full Moons for the next months. Every 18 months, we experience this type of change and the shift of our life at these times is very noticeable. So there are several elements of change that are hitting this month at the same time, which will make the month of May into a mammoth month of change. The FIVE element of numerology gives the month of May the feel that we must step off the dock of security and go into our new directions that are calling to us. We have to experience the decision choices that are aligned with our inner sense of self and our inner blueprint. The ability to be in touch with the direction of these choices makes the changes and transitions easier to deal with and will move us along our path very naturally. The Full Moon on May 2nd is in the Taurus/Scorpio sectors dealing with our inner and outer value system. This prompts changes in our outer life according to the inner values we have and live.
The alignment or dis-alignment will begin to make their choices visible with the changes in the outside world. Many with the dis-alignment will move into directions that are not wanted, yet have been inwardly chosen by the values of ethics and motives already chosen. The New Moon occurs at 25 Taurus on the 16th, which opens the door to the new value system that will be moved into place. We must let go of the dock of security to align the outer world according to what is chosen inwardly. This sets a new pace for us all according to our values. On May 31st, the Blue Moon (second Full Moon in one month) occurs at 10 Gemini and 10 Sagittarius, emphasizing the Sagittarius philosophy and the alignment of our inner beliefs and our outer actions. This provides the second heightened awareness that allows us to choose the point on our horizon according to our inner alignment. Jupiter being close by as the Blue Moon in Sagittarius sets our direction, Jupiter provides the opportunities for us to move forward according to our rights of passage.
Useless but interesting information....
At three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of June this year, the time and date will be
This will never happen again (well not in our lifetimes anyway) !
02:03:04 05/06/07.
This will never happen again (well not in our lifetimes anyway) !
Saturday 28 April 2007
GIVE AWAY
Ok - this isnt the real pist, but i have another giveaway....
Does anyone want, or know someone that wants a red ferrari racing car bed for a little boy!!
No mattress will be included, and it is in pretty good condition, just a couple of scratches on one headlight - maybe a shopping trolley got it or something....
This bed was given to us when my son was about 3 and he has had some good years in it. I was going to sell it but cant bring myself to. It was GIVEN to us so i need to GIVE it to someone else not in a position to buy it for themself.
Sorry, no pickie, it has been taken apart and doesnt look as good in pieces.
The only thing is, we want it GONE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!
First in, first served.
Does anyone want, or know someone that wants a red ferrari racing car bed for a little boy!!
No mattress will be included, and it is in pretty good condition, just a couple of scratches on one headlight - maybe a shopping trolley got it or something....
This bed was given to us when my son was about 3 and he has had some good years in it. I was going to sell it but cant bring myself to. It was GIVEN to us so i need to GIVE it to someone else not in a position to buy it for themself.
Sorry, no pickie, it has been taken apart and doesnt look as good in pieces.
The only thing is, we want it GONE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!
First in, first served.
Ok, Ok....
This is.....
will definately blog later - dont have time now, just desperate to get something else out there because those two keep picking on me... *sniff, sniff* lol
A NEW PIST
Happy??
will definately blog later - dont have time now, just desperate to get something else out there because those two keep picking on me... *sniff, sniff* lol
Thursday 26 April 2007
Tuesday 24 April 2007
Hmmm yes.... holidays....
I seem to have forgotten to relate to you my holiday at Avoca Beach.... Thanks Anchell for reminding me....
Monday 16th April - It was Egans 7th Birthday, so we got up and opened presents then busied ourselves with packing. By the time we had packed up and stuffed everything into the car it was about 11am. We had to swing by and pick up Stacie, Airlie's bestie who was coming along to keep her company. Then Hi Ho, Hi Ho, its off we all go..... Down the free way happily til an anxiety attack set in (please see previous post). All was good once we hit the Gosford exit and we followed the mud map hubby drew for me. I didn't even get lost once!!!
We had booked a cabin at The Palms at Avoca. Sounds lovely eh, it was indeed very lovely. Nice cabin.... but small....
like a sardine can at times....
Monday night Brad came down after work and we watched a DVD and slept a good nights sleep.
Tuesday we headed off to Erina Fair for a little wander around. That place is HUGE peoples!!! I think it is on about 10 acres!! The teenagers were happy, wandering around spending their spending money on ridiculous supre t shirts. Small boys do not enjoy huge shopping complexes unless there is a chocolate ice cream cone stuck in their gobs. continually. Took us a while to figure that one out.
When we came home we ventured forth to the resident luxury swimming pool and spa. Lovely. Lots of palms (as the name suggests). Very pretty and relaxing.
if you look closely you can see four little jets of water shooting out from theside of the pool, they are making out they are peeing. Ha ha..... ha ha....
We went to the local bowling club for tea and had a lovely time til kira pinched airlies last calamari ring off her fork and ate it. kinda turned to shit after that. I hope that when they grow up they will like each other.
Wednesday we headed off to The Entrance to spend the day and be abused and sworn at by a random bunch of wayward youth. My girls were disgusted. I pointed out that i hear the same language coming from their own lip glossed mouths on occasion. We walked and shopped and chased seagulls for quite a while, resisting the urge to drown any of my children (or anyone elses) in the handy lake. We stopped for a game of Mini Putt Golf and i totally flogged all their butts..... oh well, everyone has to be good at something eh....
We shopped on the way home and Airlie and Stace cooked tea for us - chicken burgers and chips. YAY. I read a book. I found the book 'Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants' in my daughters bookcase when i was cleaning out some stuff and as i really enjoyed the movie, thought i would take it down to read. It is really good. Kinda juvenile and not what i usually read, but it was good. Filled a few hours anyway.
Left to Right - Egan (7), Kira (12), Stacie (14 - not mine) and Airlie (14) - don't they look sweet!!
Thursday morning saw us madly packing and cleaning to get out of there by 10am. We managed and headed home by the coast road, swansea etc. Much prettier and no anxiety attacks. Much goodest.
Have deliberately not filled in the blanks about insanely annoying little boys that tried to fulfill their life's mission of driving everyone mad by irritating the living shit out of them. Nor me having a psycho attack after being driven totally spare by constant arguing and bickering when we were at the cabin. My children cannot speak a civil word to each other when they are within metres of each other, which we were, due to the fact that there were no other children at the park, and we couldn't be out doing stuff 24/7. Cabin fever. I don't think i will be doing that again in a hurry. Sorry.... don't mean to be negative but a lot of the time it was pretty horrible. This is VERY SAD. I wish i could lie and say my children are darlings, they are hard work, they drive me to tears lots. I did this holiday thing for them. To make them happy. They were excited. this made me happy. ........................................ hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry...... the myth is shattered..... pft - there never was a myth
ungrateful little buggers.
Never mind... we are back now - the cabin is much larger and there are kids in the street to play with. I think if we had of stayed at home and let them play with the street kids then we would have had a much happier week..... and i missed you guys!!! I had serious computer withdrawals.
Friday 20 April 2007
Repressed memory
Well i have another story to share quickly before i blog full sordid details of my 'holiday'.
I found out just before i left that i have a major repressed memory from my childhood and am wondering now how it has affected me now.
when i was in about year 5 or 6 (1975 or 76) i went on a school camp to the south,not sure exactly sure where but probably on the central coast somewhere. A boy from another school was digging in a sand dune and it collapsed on him. All us kids had to try and dig for him. The first thing that appeared was a purple arm, he had passed over. I dont know why but i have absolutely no recollection of this although i was there, definately. Apparently the aftermath was horrendous (of course).
I am dumbfounded that i do not remember this at all, though i have a twigging of memory and an image in my mind of a purple arm in the sand.
hmmmmm
how is this affecting me now.
cant know
(so much seems to be coming up lately for me, so much to deal with and remember)
I found out just before i left that i have a major repressed memory from my childhood and am wondering now how it has affected me now.
when i was in about year 5 or 6 (1975 or 76) i went on a school camp to the south,not sure exactly sure where but probably on the central coast somewhere. A boy from another school was digging in a sand dune and it collapsed on him. All us kids had to try and dig for him. The first thing that appeared was a purple arm, he had passed over. I dont know why but i have absolutely no recollection of this although i was there, definately. Apparently the aftermath was horrendous (of course).
I am dumbfounded that i do not remember this at all, though i have a twigging of memory and an image in my mind of a purple arm in the sand.
hmmmmm
how is this affecting me now.
cant know
(so much seems to be coming up lately for me, so much to deal with and remember)
Thursday 19 April 2007
Oh dear - you and i both knew it would happen. I PROMISED i would blog more tonight.... here it is, its now 'tonight' and i am struggling to keep my eyes open. The dishes are still in the sink and there is more to unpack. Tomorrow is HUGE. I am overwhelmed. I might have to leave the story til tomorrow. Although, a friend may be sleeping over so if she does it will be done on the weekend.
Naughty bad blogger i am.
And i have so much to say too....
oh dear, let me relate this one story, not so much about the trip but something that happened in the process........... read on.....
For the last 12 months or so, i sometimes get 'weird heads'. That's what i call it anyway. It started when i was returning home from Canberra, driving with just me and the kids in the car. We got to about Campbelltown or so, on our way back to sleep at my brothers house in Sydney. Well all of a sudden i felt light headed and a bit 'spacey'. I pulled over straight away and walked around for a while on the side of the freeway until i felt semi ok - i had no choice but to keep going - no driver to take over. Well there was roadworks and traffic was built up and to cut a long story short it took almost 4 hours to drive what should have been about an hour and a half. The whole time i felt weird. The only relief i could get was to grab the back of my neck with my hand. The whole way, and then home again from Sydney the next morning was harrowing.
It felt a little like i was severely un-grounded. For a person who has always been a really confident driver (for 20 something years) i didn't understand why this happened. I wasn't even remotely stressed. Since then i have experienced the same kind of thing whenever i was stuck in heavy traffic, in a large group of people, where there is lots of people around, or talking to someone who is either really, really boring, or someone who is really, really intense. Strange eh.... and although this happened quite frequently to start with, 12 months or so ago, the incidences have been gradually decreasing and only happening every now and again (last time was at the opening of the healing room at The Cottage)
Last Monday, when i was heading off to the Central Coast i felt fine. Totally forgot about the 'weird head thing'. When i hit about the tuggerah exit or so it popped into my head. I thought 'oh wow, i feel fine - that's good'. about a minute later i started to get all fidgety (sure sign it is starting). then the spacey bit started. SHIT, I BOUGHT THIS ON MYSELF!!! So then i started furiously grounding myself, which worked while i was doing it actively, but wore off almost immediately when i stopped consciously grounding. I then spent the next fair while (as long as it takes) until we reached the gosford exit in a state of mild panic, that i would pass out and kill myself, my kids, and my daughters friend, and possibly someone else too. Funnily enough, the minute i hit the exit it disappeared. I was absolutely fine for the rest of the trip. No trouble driving around the area for a few days. Although the trip home was stressing me to the max. I decided to take the scenic route home and come along the coast instead of the freeway.
I arrived home without even a twinge of a worry. Hmmmmm, is it 'speed' do you think?? Maybe not being grounded, this obviously is an issue, but why in the car??? why at 120kph.. oops i mean 110!!! Is it the freeway... ? Is it the presence of a lot of people? Why... why... why... Am i doomed never to drive fast again!! I have NEVER before had an issue with driving - hence heading to Canberra etc with a car full of kids and being the only driver. Not a worry - fully confident. Its kind of like anxiety or panic too... but WHY??? i don't get it...
can anyone out there get any guidance on this for me, cause it is REALLY bothering me...
thanks guys and i really hope to get on tomorrow and be able to blog the whole shebang. Oh I just remembered i had a dream Lisa where i was sleeping at your house... wow, the things you remember at odd moments....
and i was only going to post a short story tonight, it is more like a small novel!!
thanks for sticking with me
Luv Jen
xoxo
Naughty bad blogger i am.
And i have so much to say too....
oh dear, let me relate this one story, not so much about the trip but something that happened in the process........... read on.....
For the last 12 months or so, i sometimes get 'weird heads'. That's what i call it anyway. It started when i was returning home from Canberra, driving with just me and the kids in the car. We got to about Campbelltown or so, on our way back to sleep at my brothers house in Sydney. Well all of a sudden i felt light headed and a bit 'spacey'. I pulled over straight away and walked around for a while on the side of the freeway until i felt semi ok - i had no choice but to keep going - no driver to take over. Well there was roadworks and traffic was built up and to cut a long story short it took almost 4 hours to drive what should have been about an hour and a half. The whole time i felt weird. The only relief i could get was to grab the back of my neck with my hand. The whole way, and then home again from Sydney the next morning was harrowing.
It felt a little like i was severely un-grounded. For a person who has always been a really confident driver (for 20 something years) i didn't understand why this happened. I wasn't even remotely stressed. Since then i have experienced the same kind of thing whenever i was stuck in heavy traffic, in a large group of people, where there is lots of people around, or talking to someone who is either really, really boring, or someone who is really, really intense. Strange eh.... and although this happened quite frequently to start with, 12 months or so ago, the incidences have been gradually decreasing and only happening every now and again (last time was at the opening of the healing room at The Cottage)
Last Monday, when i was heading off to the Central Coast i felt fine. Totally forgot about the 'weird head thing'. When i hit about the tuggerah exit or so it popped into my head. I thought 'oh wow, i feel fine - that's good'. about a minute later i started to get all fidgety (sure sign it is starting). then the spacey bit started. SHIT, I BOUGHT THIS ON MYSELF!!! So then i started furiously grounding myself, which worked while i was doing it actively, but wore off almost immediately when i stopped consciously grounding. I then spent the next fair while (as long as it takes) until we reached the gosford exit in a state of mild panic, that i would pass out and kill myself, my kids, and my daughters friend, and possibly someone else too. Funnily enough, the minute i hit the exit it disappeared. I was absolutely fine for the rest of the trip. No trouble driving around the area for a few days. Although the trip home was stressing me to the max. I decided to take the scenic route home and come along the coast instead of the freeway.
I arrived home without even a twinge of a worry. Hmmmmm, is it 'speed' do you think?? Maybe not being grounded, this obviously is an issue, but why in the car??? why at 120kph.. oops i mean 110!!! Is it the freeway... ? Is it the presence of a lot of people? Why... why... why... Am i doomed never to drive fast again!! I have NEVER before had an issue with driving - hence heading to Canberra etc with a car full of kids and being the only driver. Not a worry - fully confident. Its kind of like anxiety or panic too... but WHY??? i don't get it...
can anyone out there get any guidance on this for me, cause it is REALLY bothering me...
thanks guys and i really hope to get on tomorrow and be able to blog the whole shebang. Oh I just remembered i had a dream Lisa where i was sleeping at your house... wow, the things you remember at odd moments....
and i was only going to post a short story tonight, it is more like a small novel!!
thanks for sticking with me
Luv Jen
xoxo
Back now....
Hi there to all of you readers of this boring, irregularly updated blog!!
I took the kids away for a few days down to Avoca Beach on the Central Coast for a little holiday. And am back now - unpacking the car, packing the washing machine, restocking the larder, reading blogs - will blog a full report tonight for sure!!
Just wanted to let you know i am still in the land of the living (and so are all my children {just})
Luv Jen
xoxo
I took the kids away for a few days down to Avoca Beach on the Central Coast for a little holiday. And am back now - unpacking the car, packing the washing machine, restocking the larder, reading blogs - will blog a full report tonight for sure!!
Just wanted to let you know i am still in the land of the living (and so are all my children {just})
Luv Jen
xoxo
Thursday 12 April 2007
Wednesday 11 April 2007
Just call me Sadie......
Well have been very busy yesterday and today. CLEANING!!!
Now i must mention that this is not a natural state for me.
Am working my way toward my bedroom, which has become the storehouse for surplus belongings.
At present there are 2 spare bedside chests, one spare pink, purple and yellow chest of drawers, one spare foam mattress, one spare old fashioned divan (the kind that is made up of two thick foam mattresses), a spare bookcase, a spare set of shelving type thing that is waiting to be installed into my walk in robe, about 15 garbage bags full of stuff to go to the salvo's.... plus assorted mess from my life. You must be wondering at this point where the BED might fit. Well it does, just, we have a pretty big bedroom, but right now there is a couple of paths, one from the doorway to the bed, one from the doorway to the ensuite, and one from the ensuite to the bed. NOT HAPPY JAN. I would take a couple of photos and post them just so you can see for yourself but i am too humiliated. Im sure you can imagine it.
By the way, if anyone could do with the mattress (old and not in great condition), divan (old but pretty good, great for sleepovers), or pink/purple/yellow drawers (ok condition - were not expensive to start with, so will not store heavy things as the drawers are crap) , or white melamine bookcase (ok) - please let me know - i do have a plan for the bedside chests.
Well i am off again - just stopped to guzzle a coffee!!
P.s. - if anyone wants to come over and look at my laundry, feel free - its pretty schmick now!!! lol
Monday 9 April 2007
Sunday 8 April 2007
Wow - I got this in an email. I wish i could say that i live my life like this...... I am working on it.....
A time comes in your life when you finally get it ... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ENOUGH!!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that you are neither Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can
A time comes in your life when you finally get it ... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ENOUGH!!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that you are neither Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can
Saturday 7 April 2007
Tuesday 3 April 2007
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes
Life happens
Distance separates
Children grow up
Jobs come and go
Love waxes and wanes
Men don't do what they're supposed to do
Hearts break
Parents die
Colleagues forget favors
Careers end
BUT - Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.
A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself,
the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you,
pulling for you, intervening on your behalf,
and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you,
or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law,
sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunties,
nieces, cousins and extended family all bless our life.
When we began this adventure called womanhood,
we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead,
nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.
Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful.
I just did.
There are more than 20 angels in this world;
10 are peacefully sleeping on clouds,
nine are playing,
and one is reading this blog at this moment!
Thank you for being a meaningful part of my life.... yes you... you know who you are!!!
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