Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Tuesday... (or, whats in a name....)

Oh dear

I always open a new post window and sit here looking at that blank title field and blank goes my mind. I would love to be able to think of witty and / or clever post titles. I almost always end up just using the name of the day. Boring eh. Certainly doesnt make you want to quickly click on my blog to see what is going on here.

Will try to pick up my game here..

Wow, what a week and a half it will be. Friday we are off to Stroud Monastery again. Woo Frikken Hoo. I am soooo looking forward to it. It is THE most incredibly relaxing, best place ever. Especially to be there with a bunch of such amazingly incredible women. Talented, inspiring, wonderful friends. Most excellent - I feel blessed.

(The Monastery altar by spotlight)

Husband will be having a birthday on the weekend while i am away (*little finger to lips, ala Dr Evil) - I cleared it with him before I booked. He is fine with it and I am cooking for him and the whole fandamily on sunday evening (yay.. ahem).  We will get through it.

Tuesday evening, our last class of Year 2 YAAD. Wow. Another year has gone by. I am really looking forward to moving to the next level and almost have a hissy fit when I think that our next dedication is only a week and a half away. Very very very exciting. Very proud and honoured to be travelling this path with such incredible women. All good.

Oooh, before I forget - almost did - if you are at all interested in Astrology, and those that know me, know that i am kinda into it - I have been following this blog http://inharmonyastrology.blogspot.com/ and their weekly astrology is very very interesting. Just passing on the info, look if you want, or dont. Up to you.     :-)

Anyway, am off to bed now, too tired.

Chat soon

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(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Sunday, 28 June 2009

Sunday evening

Good evening my friends

I am in some kind of limbo this evening

That limbo when those that are closest to you bring down a verdict of disfunction.

OH yes, we certainly bring the fun back into dis fun ction

I must reflect and reflect some more

I apparently have some pretty offensive qualities


I will admit to a bit of it, not all

I will try some and own my bits then let them go.

Because if I didnt own them I couldnt let them go.

Very good advice, thanks Robert.

So much going on,

So much to take in

Very intense time for me right now

It is heating up for sure

I dont know if that has anything to do with my going from a Personal Year 9 to a Personal Year 1.

Also, much to take in

My little brain feels like it is in overload right now.

Trying to learn completly new concepts that arent touching the sides.

And old concepts all need re examining too.


Worrying about my state of health sometimes....

My state of mental health that is...

I must not take this on, and I am not... I must just draw from it that which is pertinant to me and move on from there.

One positive thing that I can mention is that I can identify a couple of important techniques that I have learned over the last couple of days or so that will assist me in being objective and moving through stuff. Moving through without dragging anyting along with me. Very important this one.

tough call that one

I am naturally (being a virgo) very hard on myself.

I must lighten up a little.

I must learn to have faith.

This comes up again and again

My achilles heel.

Trust and faith.

This is the axis (astrological) under which I was born

The 'fear/faith' axis

Oh yes

That old chestnut

Obviously this is something that I need to learn

something that is mine to endure.

Lately, I feel really connected

like i just ask and it is there

that is what Robert was saying last night

If i think a question

The answer is there - in a milisecond


This is easy to accept in 'non life threatening' situations

On the surface i obviously allow instant contact

once it is important

i block it

self sabotage
another old chestnut


Lots to think about

might go down the rabbit hole with this one

must make sure i am on my track, my right track

back soon

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(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Saturday, 27 June 2009


I am officially the worlds slackest blogger.

i had a nice time tonight at the cottages fifth birthday. Robert was very very interesting. food for thought for sure.

great food, lots of wonderful friends, all good

I am in a bit of a slump in my life at the moment and dont want to bore you or myself with the details. Sick of whinging pists.


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(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Tuesday, 23 June 2009


Just cleaned out the fridge. You know the green things at the back you cant identify?? All gone. Ah its a tough job but someones got to do it!!

In gratitude for

♥ Nothing growing in the fridge

♥ School days

♥ Glorious sunny winter days with cool enough mornings to put on a cardie but not to freeze any bits off.

♥ Peace and quiet

♥ Seashells and river stones

Enjoy your Tuesday.

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(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Sunday, 21 June 2009

Is it Sunday already.....

Um, yes....

and it is even almost over.. well for this week anyway.

What a week it has been. There has been some ups and some downs. Some light bulb moments and some murky muddy ones.

Cant hope for better than that I guess.

In some ways I have felt like this week was a week to take a breather and a rest from the relentless emotional onslaught that is living with teenagers.

I actually was silly enough to say it out loud, and of course, Murphy heard me and whammo, hit me with a doozy. Its ok though.. I learned something from it and that is a good thing.

I am a little at loose ends going into this week. It is my first week without any work booked in and I am dangling a bit. I want something to keep my head and hands busy (I could do some housework, but hey... lol). I like to have something to think about - even if it is just what may be coming or running through the procedure for some computer task. I know, am weird. Deal with it, lol.

On the other hand, I am super super excited to be able to have some time this week to be CREATIVE. I dont know where to start so I guess that can be my thinking cap for tomorrow.

I have been dabbling in a little bit of creative writing this week. I have 'amused' myself by making little stories up about the plethora of images that get shown in my minds eye. Sometimes I get 'shown' a flash of an image and a feeling, then a story rolls through my head. I have never actually put pen to paper before but this week, for some reason, I did. Often this little 'story' is in response to a question that is asked of me.

Maybe at some point I will feel confident enough to post my 'stories'... maybe...

Just in case you are interested - last week I raved about how incredibly funny Good News Week was with Ross Noble. This evening I looked for the TV guide on Channel 10 website and discovered it on their site and you can watch the full episode online. It is Episode 15 if you are interested and here is a link. Just if you are interested.....

All in all, it has been a very busy, introspective week. I think I will finish off tonight with a gratitude list.

I am so, so, so grateful for -

♥ My bloggie friends. Of course you are on top of my list, where else?? I especially appreciate it that you do come back and read, even if I just ramble on with crap or be absent for days at a time.

♥ I would like to make a special mention of my friends Michelle and Jac who have both given me an award this past week - thank you so much, I will put it up and pass it on within the next couple of days I promise!!

♥ My family. The lessons I have learned and the experience I have gained from being in close proximity to these often challenging individuals has been priceless. Not to mention the huge amount of love and admiration that I have for them and their achievements.

♥ My health. In particular my healthy lungs, which have been smoke free for just on 9 months now. I am grateful to be improving my fitness levels and my body has begun to reflect this change.

♥ Warm blankets and fluffy slippers. Needed on these frosty nights and mornings and all in between. Brrrrr

♥ My sense of humour. Nuff said.

♥ Matchsticks. That are keeping my eyes open right now... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Friday, 19 June 2009


Am struggling to come up with something, but sick of looking at the kid in the sepia picture. I am tired and busy. I need one of those little signs for the back of my car that reads 'mums taxi' as I seem to CONSTANTLY be driving some frikken kid or another here there and or everywhere.

Busy. Tired. Brain dead.

Missing Fix it Friday.

Missing photo opportunities that fit within my designated time frames...

need to strangle someone.

will go and do that now methinks..

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(¸.·´Lotsa luv from


Will blog tomorrow, I promise....

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

I ♥ Faces. Sepia

Here is my last minute entry to the I ♥ Faces challenge this week. Sepia.

I love this photo that I took of Kira last year. So introspective. I think it suits sepia too.

If you want to go and look at the other entries this week, you can find them here, everyone is sooo talented there, I love it.

I am number 443 this week, the judges are going to have their hands full trying to choose winners out of that amazing lot!!

Anyway, going to Tarot class now, back later.


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(¸.·´Lotsa luv from


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(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Monday, 15 June 2009

Monday night ..... late

Oh I love Monday nights on TV. I am a non habitual tv watching person, but sometimes a show takes my fancy and I love to sit down and watch (when I remember!!). Monday nights are good. I have taken a liking to Masterchef Australia. I am going for um... I cant remember her name... the young blonde one.... an old fashioned name, or the older dark haired lady, I think her name is Julie. I reckon the young blonde one will win though.

Then I get an hour away from the telly, to blog, or play Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook, or something.. then along comes Good News Week.

Now this show ALWAYS has me rolling in the aisles with laughter, I just LOVE Paul McDermotts sense of humour. Mikey Robbins is always good for a laugh, and they usually have funny guests.

Tonight they outdid themselves.

OMG. Ross Noble (here is a picture )

Ross Noble in action is so funny that I was laughing that hard I almost had a seniors moment. I think if I went and saw him in a show I would have to wear an incontinence pad!!! I think it was the time he had the smoke machine stuffed down his pants and his fly open with smoke pouring out that did me in...

Absolutely hilarious.

Isnt that just the BEST medicine.


Oh yes.

I have Sagittarius rising, so humour is very important to me. I love to make people laugh. I have a dry and quite sarcastic sense of humour. I love poking fun at the establishment and that is why I find Good News Week to be so bloody funny. Totally non-political correct. Love it.

It has been a pretty quiet weekend and few days. Nothing much to report.

I had my first day off for what feels like months today. I had a nice time pottering around the house. I was inspired to try my had at a new collage technique (thanks Rachel!!!) but didnt quite get around to it. I thought about it intensely though and have it planned in my head for when i actually get to sit down with a magazine and a stick of glue.

I took a top back to Big Dubya and swapped it for two (yay me) . Just a spot of stimulating the economy!! Was keeping my eyes peeled for a cappucino buddy but wasnt able to find anyone. Bugger.

Been very introspective too. Have been uncovering some answers and this is all good. The only problem with that is that sometimes finding answers uncovers some more questions. So I have been on the answer and question trail for a few days, like Alice inWonderland, into the looking glass. Its healthy though, so dont worry. :)

Back to work tomorrow, just for one day though, and then am looking forward to Tarot class on wednesday, which I havent been to for WEEKS!!! Grrr.

Lots of catching up to do.

My my, doesnt work cut into ones social life!!


Take care, and I will see you soon.

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(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Sunday, 14 June 2009

Slackarse blogger

Thats me..

I have been a really slack blogger this week.

Too busy, nothing much to say, bit down and dont want to add to my whinefest.

I am ok though and will try really hard to post something interesting tomorrow.

¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

My Law

This poem is one I came across several years ago and it continues to speak to my soul. Every now and again someone says or does something that brings it to the front of my mind and I dig it out to re read. I never grow tired of it. I have blogged it before a few years ago now but am prompted to post it again. Maybe it will speak to someone like it speaks to me. It gives me goosebumps.

Lisas post today was what triggered it in my memory.... thanks Lisa, I needed to read this today.

This poem is attributed to being written by a Maouri Warrior (New Zealand) named Tieme Ranapiri. I cannot vouch for the validity of the claim, but who ever it was was incredibly tuned in.

Anyway, here tis...

My Law

The sun may be clouded, yet ever the sun
Will sweep on its course till the Cycle is run.
And when into chaos the system is hurled
Again shall the Builder reshape a new world.
Your path may be clouded, uncertain your goal;
Move on for your orbit is fixed to your soul.
And though it may lead into darkness of night
The torch of the Builder shall give it new light.

You were, you will be, know this while you are;
Your spirit has traveled both long and afar.
It came from the Source, to the Source it returns –
The spark which was lighted eternally burns.
It slept in a jewel, it leapt in a wave.
It roamed in the forest, it rose from the grave.
It took on strange garbs for long eons of years
And now in the soul of yourself It appears

From body to body your spirit speeds on
It seeks a new form when the old one has gone
And the form that it finds is the fabric you wrought
On the loom of the Mind from the fibre of Thought.
As dew is drawn upwards, in rain to descend
Your thoughts drift away and in Destiny blend.
You cannot escape them, for petty or great,
Or evil or noble, they fashion your fate.

Somewhere on some planet, sometime and somehow
Your life will reflect your thoughts of your Now.
My law is unerring, no blood can atone –
The structure you built you will live in – alone.
From cycle to cycle, through time and through space
Your lives with your longings will ever keep pace
And all that you ask for, and all you desire
Must come at your bidding, as flame out of fire.

Once list’ to that Voice and all tumult is done –
Your life is the life of the Infinite One.
In the hurrying race you are conscious of pause
With love for the purpose and love for the Cause.
You are your own devil, you are your own God
You fashioned the path your footsteps have trod.
And no one can save you from error or sin
Until you have hark’d to the Spirit within.
Tieme Ranapiri

OMG - that line..

"And the form that it finds is the fabric you wrought
On the loom of the Mind from the fibre of Thought."

gives me the shivers every time i read it.

Love it!!!

Had a nice day at the course today.

Networked a bit.

All good.


¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Monday, 8 June 2009


Ok, have a plan.

Have a bottle of drops.

Focussing on Fear and Faith.

Thats it in a nutshell actually.


Working out a compromise.

Well trying anyway.

All good.

Looking forward to tomorrow.

Doing a training course tomorrow - OASIS Library.

The only feather I am missing from my cap in my job.

It only matters when I am having a job interview.

It will be sorted now.

Bring on the interviews.

Must re do my resume now.

Must also find time to take some photos.

Mucked around with the photo from Fix it Friday last week. Didnt post it though as was not happy with what I ended up with.

Last big week

Training course tomorrow

then working wednesday at school

then thursday friday at Peters.

Then am free til august

hmmm.... hopefully will pick something up or will be bloody broke!!!

Will be fine

Will be newly trained.

And free to hit the pavement taking around my resume.

All will be well

I know this

On that note

Am hitting the sack.

Lots of love to you and yours

And thank you for your support

It means more then you could ever know.

¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Sunday, 7 June 2009

Help please

I am sooo sick of this. Sooo sick of being miserable. So if you sick of me too, then I apologise and please, I wont be offended if you just move on right now.

OK, if you are sticking with me, then I will try to explain -

I am trying hard not to wallow and to see what is going on here and for the life of me I cant figure out how to rewire my thinking here.

Or even if I need to.

I is connie confused.... sigh.

My problem stems from several places. First and foremost, is my marriage, which is seriously on the rocks after twenty six years. We are not only on different pages re most things, but we are in totally different books. Communication just doesnt happen and support is non existent. We dont argue much but when we do it is usually quite unpleasant. I dont know what is going to become of us. We have so much else going on though, that right now we are just existing side by side.

Next is our daughters, our eldest mainly. She quit school after 1 term of Yr 11 and has been working full time at McDonald's, where she had held a part time job for the past couple of years. She is working until next year when she will do a TAFE course apparently. I am not holding my breath on that one though. She has always been the intense brooding type, and has always only had one good friend. She has had (endured) social issues since she was about 9 years old (now almost 17) and has been quite introverted for many years. Well hasnt that changed since she quit school. OMG. She is a social butterfly, going out almost every night. She has a huge circle of friends, most of which I do not know.

Then we come to my husbands and my respective upbringings. These are colliding in a huge way re the eldest and her social antics. My husband was virtually an only child who was very quiet and music oriented. He used to sit in his room and play music, either that or play footy or go surfing. His father took him and a couple of mates up to a beach about half an hour from home, quite deserted in the 70's, with him about age 14. He pitched a tent for them and left them there for a week with a box of weet bix and a few cans of baked beans. I am gobsmacked at that. He was given free rein to do anything he wanted to do when ever he wanted to do it and never abused the privilege. Myself on the other hand, was ruled with an iron fist by parents who would watch like a hawk every thing i ever did. I was not allowed to do anything so had to push against the many boundaries in an effort to do anything even remotely like what my friends were allowed to do. This created a vicious circle where I was continually bombarded with questions and accusations and was forced away and kicked out when I was just 17. It took quite a few years and my fathers death to bring me back to the family at around age 20.

These contradictory parented styles have created a scenario where my husband is of the impression that our eldest has left school and is working so can do what ever she wants. He just lets her go wherever and does not worry about her in the slightest. He says its her life and its up to her what she does. I do not want to control her as such but dont really want her in compromising or dangerous situations. I dont feel she has got the 'street smarts' to be able to look after herself properly and I think she is naive and will give money or things to whoever wants them.

On the other hand, she has proven herself to be very resourceful and I think these couple of months has grown her up enormously. (a bit too much sometimes). She has gotten herself into a group of kids that go into town and watch the hot cars go by. They dont drink very much at all, however they smoke. (grrrrrrrrr). They sleep over here regularly and most of them are quite nice kids.

My big big problem is my inability to let her go. I am constantly thinking about her when she is out and 'indulge' myself in what I have discovered is called 'catastrophic thinking'. I can easily imagine any and all disasters that may befall her and if she doesnt call when she says she would my brain brings the whole list up into the front of my mind much to my horror. By the time I hear from her I am a wreck. Its not good.

He on the other hand is cool as a cucumber because 'she will be ok, she just forgot', or when she was gone for 48 hours with a flat phone battery for the last 20 hours and I was convinced she was dead or worse, he was just like, 'her phone is obviously flat, she will be fine'.

I have always assumed that he doesnt care. I have been looking really hard at it over the last couple of days or so and have realised that he is actually of great faith. He does not believe that anything COULD happen to her. And she WILL be fine.

We are at total opposite ends of this polarity too.

I think he takes it a bit too far. But I can understand that my attitude is just as extreme. I wish I could meet in the middle somehow. He thinks I am just being a control freak but that is not it. I just am absolutely terrified, not exaggerating here, terrified, that something will happen to her.

I dont know how to change.

I dont know how to find the trust and belief that will allow me to let go gracefully.

I need help with this.

Thank you for sticking with me this far - maybe if you have older children of your own you may be able to advise me of what the 'normal' reaction to your child growing up and becoming so independent. This has been sudden too, maybe that has had a bit to do with my inability to cope. I shouldnt say 'inability'. I am coping. I am even sleeping when she isnt home. I just get random panic attacks and these happen when my brain runs through the 'worst case scenarios' for me to view. When she comes home after I have been reallly worried, I often just go to my room and cry and cry with relief.

Please, if you can, help me to change my thinking and attitude. Help me to let go. Help me to accept her growing up and becoming more independent.

Thank you


¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´Lotsa luv from

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

mmmm chocolate......

"Misunderstandings arise for one of three reasons: not enough love, not enough sleep or not enough chocolate."

I think I have had a misunderstanding lately whose blame can be laid squarely and fairly at the feet of each of those reasons.

Not enough chocolate is easily remedied. We had a surplus of chocolate at work today. A community group asked us to distribute their flyer with our school newsletter. We said OK. They dropped them down with a large box of chocolates for us... woo hoo.

Oh what a week it has been this week. Like one of those weeks where you feel like you have been dipped into some really hot soapy water, dragged out by the hair and pressed between two rolling bars until liquid squeezed out of you.

Kind of 'sitting in the corner and rocking' kind of weeks.

Full on and full pelt - PRAYING for a slow down in pace tomorrow. Favourite boss lady in office and I kind of made plans to meet somewhere else instead of school in the morning... not really... will be there to face the music again. Unbelieveable. The things that have happened have been freaky accidents and really odd mistakes that just totally STUFF THINGS UP.

I made a mistake yesterday. A mistake that had potentially disasterous consequences. O. M. G. I couldnt believe it. THANK THE GODDESS that disaster was averted. I was not in trouble, as my bosses understand human error. They also understand the extreme circumstances that occurred at once to create the scene for this stuff up. Still shaking in my boots over that one.

Contemplating numerology this last couple of days.

thinking about being in my own personal year 9 which will end and click over to a new cycle, personal year 1 on my birthday in August. These overlap by a few weeks each way and this set me to thinking about the challenges I am facing at the moment and how everything seems to be heating up. It feels like everything is building up to a huge crescendo and I am a little disconcerted as to how I will deal with this. I will be fine though. Because I am strong and have the support of some amazing friends and sisters.

I also pondered my lack of support from any family members that I am related to in any way shape or form (cept maybe my elder half brother who is awesome and offered his shoulder on facebook... love ya Gaz) I have often lamented this lack of support. I feel quite ripped off and have struggled with the whole lack of self worth that goes along with rejection from family.

Then I thought long and hard and remembered how truly blessed I am with my wonderful friends... my sisters of choice. My bloggie friends and my RL friends. AND my bloggie/RL friends. I am truly blessed. I can handle ANYTHING. ...

Well, I might leak from the eyes every now and again, but am handling some really hard stuff, and can continue as long as i need to. I am doing the very best I can and that is the main thing. NO MORE beating myself up over this.

I am ready, and I am CERTAIN that the worst is already over.

Luv you all