Thursday, 11 November 2010


I have come to the conclusion that life is all about facing what is in front of you in the moment. I see so many friends around me confronted with such a diverse range of challenges right now, that i have decided that it all comes down to filters, or that's how i see it.

It is just a matter of staying in the moment, and moving through what is there in front of you. Deliberate living. Yes.

It is helpful sometimes to know the background of a situation. but even then, isn't it the past you are learning about and not the now. what is the point of knowing about the past.

from very hurtful personal experience, from being judged super harshly for some poor choices made 30 odd  years ago, and still treated and judged for them, I can attest to the necessity of living in the now.

I see it as so. Each of us sees the world through our own filters. Our filters determine how we interpret each situation we encounter and how we will respond.

If we see the world through the eyes of super well adjustedness, then we process our thoughts and actions from that space.

However, whenever we are seeing the world through need, or hurt, or emotional or whatever else, then we perceive situations etc as ‘out to get us’ etc.

I feel the best way for me to become this well adjusted and happy person is to just take one step at a time, to deal with one issue at a time as it confronts me. My job is to first of all look after myself. Beyond that is my kids, i am fully responsible for my kids. After that is my immediate family and close circle of friends. Then everyone else.


thats it. My survival technique.


I have had lots of situations lately that have come up for me and pushed at my boundaries. Lots and lots of different areas where over inflated egos and ignorant people have pushed themselves upon me. I have been forced to withdraw myself into what is the essence of me to survive. I don't have any support now. I am ON MY OWN. Me and my kids. NOBODY is more important than them, only me. And I am needed to be here for them, because I bought forth into this world and I need to be here to be there for them. So every decision i make and every step I take is with them in mind. Until my responsibility has been fulfilled in bringing them to a point of self sufficiency, I must be there for them every step of the way. That's it.


So, when all of this collides upon itself, I withdraw into myself to sort it out again. The death of my mother, and consequenting finds of letters of detriment to me, have led me to be very very close within myself, and just opening enough of myself to function reasonably  in this world. Things are settling down a bit re this, but again, tis one day at a time. I have named this blog very well.  Those very close to me will understand the challenges I have had to face. And these have had to be done within the safety of the closest safety net, and this is the reason for the long delay in posting. My superficial self enjoys being distracted by facebook and my novels etc, but what simmers underneath is very different indeed.


Thank you so much for listening.

it has been helpful to get this all out.