What a week…….

I am feeling quite angry actually.

I will admit to it, and am not proud, but want to smash something.

 

I have a dilemma.

My dilemma is this.

My husband and I are separating. FOR GOOD. We are in totally different libraries, let alone books, let alone pages. We have been together for 27 years all up. We have 3 awesome children and  I wouldn't change that for the world. We are just so miserable together now.

I wont go into the gory details.

But we are both over each other.

I am moving out with 2 of the 3 kids. The eldest, who is almost 18, is staying with her dad, basically because he lets her do what she wants without even asking her where she is going, let alone when she is coming home.  He considers this an invasion of her privacy. I think it is helping to keep her safe. Just knowing where she will be and when she will be home. Frikken dickhead. I am so angry with him about this. I hope she survives under his lack of supervision.

The others are coming with me. We are trying to find a big house in the area we need for everyone to be able to walk to where they need to go, thereby saving me about 1000 driving hours each week.

I have been looking for 3 months. Agghhhhhhh. One place was perfect. Absolutely frikken perfect. And at the last minute the tenants decided not to move. Aggghhhhhhhh. Shattered. I would be in there by now.

I get the message that there is something  I need to do before I leave. Some lesson to be learned.

Ok, I get that. SO WHAT IS IT???????????

Please tell me what it is so i can get the frik out of here.

I am dying inside.

I am soooo miserable.

I dont like it.

At all

 

Please universe - HELP…..

or I could win lotto

that would work too :)

 

I am very sick of being sad

I am very sick of being disrespected.

I am very sick of waiting when  I am ready to go.

 

Please universe

Set me free………. 

 

sigh

Thank you

Yesterday was my 16th wedding anniversary. I just wanted to say thank you…..

 

 

Wow - 27 years is a loooong time.

Thank you most of all for my three beautiful children. Although at times they have caused me worry and distress, I would never ever ever swap them for anything else in the world. They are amazing and wonderful and I love them more then life itself. They are my reason for being. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to do as I pleased during this time. My far reaching interests over the years have ranged from calligraphy and photography to meditation, committees, netball and jazz ballet. I cant really recall any moment during all this time when you actually stopped me from doing anything. I am forever grateful for that.

I will always and forever appreciate how you have supported us in such fine fashion. We have had the luxury of a beautiful home, filled with furniture, books and toys. Fridges and pantries chock-o-block with food. Reliable comfortable vehicles that have gotten us from point a to point b.

Thank you for allowing me my own space to think and reason. Your habit of leaving me on my own has fostered a curious and active mind that loves to learn things and try new skills. Because you were almost never around, I mostly never had anyone near me to tell me that I was incapable of doing something - so I just did it anyway. Plus I can use almost any tool, drive a truck, ride a motorcycle. Thanks for teaching me this stuff. I am sure knowing one end of a screwdriver from the other will come in handy when i am on my own.

Thanks for loving me. In the early days, we most certainly shared a kind of love that suited us right down to the ground, for where we were in our evolution at that time. I was of incredibly low self esteem back then, and you helped me to raise my self esteem to something above the baseline.

I want to say thank you.

Thank you for my awesome kids. Thank you for allowing me to do what I want to do. Thank you.

I really appreciate it.

 

P.s. It was our 16th wedding anniversary yesterday. Sigh.

I was a bit sad. I was sooooo disappointed that we could not have worked it out.Instead, we are at a point of being really intolerant of each other. I wish that was not so… I loved  you. I love our children. Thank you…

 

Jen

:)

A dream…..

Interpretations welcome!!

 

I was with my husband inside the house we are living in now. I looked out the window to see a tree (that does not exist in reality) and saw a big brown bear jumping up and trying to grab a branch. Once he finally grabbed it and pulled it downwards, a border collie dog started walking down it and out of the tree. I was watching in amazement and followed the branch back up into the tree. I saw a whole line of Border Collies in the tree, heading down and along the branch that the bear was holding down for them. I then saw that there were babies, i think there was three (ahem) hanging in the tree in like these little muslin or netting hammock things. they were just tied up there and hanging. I got really worried about those babies and started saying ‘we have to save those babies’. One of the babies grabbed a dog as it passed by and it hung on for just a second, enough time to dislodge it partly from its hammock thingy. My husband was unconcerned and was saying ‘they will be fine’. I called the fire brigade and gave them clear instructions to reach this house and how to manoeuvre out the back to reach the babies.

Thats when i woke up.

Ok, now I have three kids. My husband owned a border collie when i met him. I guess one other reason I am leaving him (once I find a rental property… grrrrrr) is to save my kids and myself.

I just googled ‘bear’ for dream interpretation and it means ‘independence’ according to the one i looked at.

Ok, so all the symbols fit - but what is it telling me?? Still pondering that.

I would love to hear what you have to say about this dream.

xoxo

am working one up

promise i will be back tomorrow :D

 

can you wait??? sorry, I know it has been ages

A random me-me - avoiding reality

Instructions: The post is a list of 99 random things. Bold the ones that you yourself have done.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Tasmania
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Sea World
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Went to the top of Centrepoint Tower 
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow man
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen the Murray River in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Crossed the Sydney Harbour Bridge 
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited Uluru
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Been to a jail
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy
70. Visited the War Memorial in Canberra 
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood on the steps of the Sydney Opera House 
74. Toured the Great Ocean Road
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Kimberleys in person 
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited Parliament House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Dog on the Tuckerbox in person
96. Swam in the ocean 
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a mobile phone
99. Been stung by a bee