No life can escape being blown about by the winds of change and chance. And though you never know all the steps, you must learn to join the dance.....

Another rollercoaster week just gone. Big stuff. I went for a job interview last Tuesday - at our local neighbourhood centre - and administrative assistant, 3 days per week. I think i went “ok”. I don't know. It was a panel interview, and they did a lot of writing, and that is always good, but who knows who I was up against… am keeping positive about it though, I felt like it was my job - and still feel that - but am concerned now that they didn't call on Friday like they said they would. and they haven't called my referees. So that either means they haven't got around to it yet or i have been unsuccessful. I know panels can be hard to get back together to make choices, and as it is a government position, they may have to submit their choice to the department, just like they do in the Education Department. So am just waiting….. damn long weekend :)

 

Also, I was FINALLY able to look inside a house that I have had my name down to view since bloody January. It has finally become vacant, and a string of ‘coincidences’ led to me seeing the property on Thursday. they also said they would contact me regarding my application on Friday. And they didn't. So now I am waiting to hear from them too….. damn long weekend :)

 

I hate waiting… :)

 

Never mind, que sera sera.

 

Had a great day yesterday with some more Manifestation Boards. With three awesome sisters. Lots of creative genius, laughter, chit-chat and food had by all. We discovered the joy of Quince paste, cheese and sourdough - oh yeah, that's what it is all about. :)

 

Sometimes it doesn't matter

just how long you have known a person for…

Sometimes people just do things that are incomprehensible.

Sometimes I just don't understand.

Why. Why do people do what they do. Selfishness and ignorance I guess. Particularly from those that consider themselves to be a cut above others. Pffft.

Sorry - rant over.

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer.

Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit  bulls; they attacked the post man this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter”

rofl

If I were…

If I were a month I’d be APRIL
If I were a day I’d be FRIDAY
If I were a time of day I'd be LATE, AFTER THE KIDS HAD GONE TO BED
If I were a font I'd be LUCIDA HANDWRITING
If I were a sea animal I’d be A MERMAID
If I were a direction I’d be WEST
If I were a piece of furniture I’d be A COMFY RECLINER WITH A SOFT CUSHION,  THROW RUG AND GOOD BOOK
If I were a gemstone I’d be STILL IN THE ROUGH, WAITING TO BE DISCOVERED
If I were a tree I’d be A HONG KONG ORCHID
If I were a tool I’d be A CORDLESS DRILL
If I were a flower I’d be A SCOTCH THISTLE
If I were an element of weather I’d be A STREAKY GOLD AND PURPLE SUNSET
If I were a musical instrument I’d be PLAYING TO THE SOUND OF MY OWN DRUM
If I were a colour I’d be PURPLE
If I were an emotion I’d be HOPE
If I were a fruit I’d be A CRIMSON SEEDLESS GRAPE
If I were a sound I’d be THE HAPPY LAUGHTER OF CHILDREN
If I were an element I’d be WATER
If I were a car I’d be A CAMRY - RELIABLE AND QUICK OFF THE MARK
If I were a food I’d be LUNCH WITH GOOD FRIENDS…
If I were a place I’d be QUIET AND RELAXING
If I were material I’d be FLUFFY AND SOFT
If I were a taste I’d be SALTY
If I were a scent I’d be VANILLA
If I were a body part I’d be THE ENQUIRING MIND
If I were a song I’d be BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
If I were a bird I’d be AN OWL
If I were a gift I’d be CHERISHED
If I were a city I’d be MELBOURNE
If I were a door I’d be HARD TO OPEN BUT ONCE YOU MANAGED YOU WOULD BE GLAD YOU DID
If I were a pair of shoes I’d be THONGS
If I were a poem I’d be STRAIGHT TO THE POINT…. NO BEATING AROUND THE BUSH :)

 

Thanks Jac and Nat - had fun

xoxo

I can do this

Ok, I have just been reminded AGAIN about the power of positive self talk.

My life has been really really miserable lately - and this is affecting so many areas, including my kids, who are picking up on it and it is upsetting them too. In my most down and desperate moments I often think, “I cant do this anymore”. Meaning i am soooo sick of putting up with the misery of having to cohabitate with one whose energy is so discordant with mine, it feels like fingernails down the blackboard. Misery. Sadness. Helplessness. Hopelessness. These and more have filled my weaker moments. And I am having more and more weak moments.

So….. this brings me back to my post title.

I CAN do this. I CAN plan and wait until the right place comes along to remove myself and my children to. It has been this long now, I can wait a little longer. I can do all I can to try and organise myself to get ready to move us out. I can start packing and planning.

I can learn from all of this. I can learn and move forward.

 

I can.

I know I can.

 

Thank you for listening.

xoxo

 

P.S. - G, I am sorry, I recieved your message, I just forgot to go in and publish it. Thank you and am sorry xoxo

What a week…….

I am feeling quite angry actually.

I will admit to it, and am not proud, but want to smash something.

 

I have a dilemma.

My dilemma is this.

My husband and I are separating. FOR GOOD. We are in totally different libraries, let alone books, let alone pages. We have been together for 27 years all up. We have 3 awesome children and  I wouldn't change that for the world. We are just so miserable together now.

I wont go into the gory details.

But we are both over each other.

I am moving out with 2 of the 3 kids. The eldest, who is almost 18, is staying with her dad, basically because he lets her do what she wants without even asking her where she is going, let alone when she is coming home.  He considers this an invasion of her privacy. I think it is helping to keep her safe. Just knowing where she will be and when she will be home. Frikken dickhead. I am so angry with him about this. I hope she survives under his lack of supervision.

The others are coming with me. We are trying to find a big house in the area we need for everyone to be able to walk to where they need to go, thereby saving me about 1000 driving hours each week.

I have been looking for 3 months. Agghhhhhhh. One place was perfect. Absolutely frikken perfect. And at the last minute the tenants decided not to move. Aggghhhhhhhh. Shattered. I would be in there by now.

I get the message that there is something  I need to do before I leave. Some lesson to be learned.

Ok, I get that. SO WHAT IS IT???????????

Please tell me what it is so i can get the frik out of here.

I am dying inside.

I am soooo miserable.

I dont like it.

At all

 

Please universe - HELP…..

or I could win lotto

that would work too :)

 

I am very sick of being sad

I am very sick of being disrespected.

I am very sick of waiting when  I am ready to go.

 

Please universe

Set me free………. 

 

sigh

Thank you

Yesterday was my 16th wedding anniversary. I just wanted to say thank you…..

 

 

Wow - 27 years is a loooong time.

Thank you most of all for my three beautiful children. Although at times they have caused me worry and distress, I would never ever ever swap them for anything else in the world. They are amazing and wonderful and I love them more then life itself. They are my reason for being. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to do as I pleased during this time. My far reaching interests over the years have ranged from calligraphy and photography to meditation, committees, netball and jazz ballet. I cant really recall any moment during all this time when you actually stopped me from doing anything. I am forever grateful for that.

I will always and forever appreciate how you have supported us in such fine fashion. We have had the luxury of a beautiful home, filled with furniture, books and toys. Fridges and pantries chock-o-block with food. Reliable comfortable vehicles that have gotten us from point a to point b.

Thank you for allowing me my own space to think and reason. Your habit of leaving me on my own has fostered a curious and active mind that loves to learn things and try new skills. Because you were almost never around, I mostly never had anyone near me to tell me that I was incapable of doing something - so I just did it anyway. Plus I can use almost any tool, drive a truck, ride a motorcycle. Thanks for teaching me this stuff. I am sure knowing one end of a screwdriver from the other will come in handy when i am on my own.

Thanks for loving me. In the early days, we most certainly shared a kind of love that suited us right down to the ground, for where we were in our evolution at that time. I was of incredibly low self esteem back then, and you helped me to raise my self esteem to something above the baseline.

I want to say thank you.

Thank you for my awesome kids. Thank you for allowing me to do what I want to do. Thank you.

I really appreciate it.

 

P.s. It was our 16th wedding anniversary yesterday. Sigh.

I was a bit sad. I was sooooo disappointed that we could not have worked it out.Instead, we are at a point of being really intolerant of each other. I wish that was not so… I loved  you. I love our children. Thank you…

 

Jen

:)