Do you know how special i feel to have my own personal astrologer... VERY!!!! Especially a very clever one that knows me better then i know myself. This is GOOD.

I have submitted my daughter for testing by Helen because she (the daughter) is beyond my comprehension. There a quite a few things that need serious looking at and copious amounts of Aussie bush flower essences for. She has her sun squared transiting Pluto which is conjunct the galactic centre. all this in an intercept. no wonder she is screwed up. she needs major grounding. i am onto it. phew - much longer and i would be under it (the ground i mean) - sometimes i am scared she is possessed by some thing evil. scary stuff. and she is only almost 12.

Have been researching this galactic centre / Pluto thingy and found the following page that explains it quite well. Pluto/Galactic Centre stuff. Just in case you would like to investigate it for yourself. It is affecting everyone right now...

Pretty schmick to have your own personal astrologer - just like the kings did in the old days. lol

Looking forward to a kid free time at goldies tomorrow morning..... most schmickest.


Had a very lazy day today. woke up late (8.30) and sat around in my jarmies reading the paper and surfing the net til about lunchtime. went shopping to replace depleted supplies - including copious spuds at 49c per kilo and a ginormous pack of toilet paper (these items are unrelated but cheap)

Ended up at niece and nephews place for another bbq tonight. ahh the luxury of not having to cook for i don't know how many nights in a row. if this goes on much longer, maybe i will forget how to all together. schmick!!!

We are going to my brother's house for a party tomorrow night. there will be 6 adults and 9 kids. aaaggghhhh - outnumbered again. hopefully they wont form a pack and revolt.

I gave up years ago on making any resolutions at new years. its the stuff guilt is made of - so i will NOT be making any this year either.

Well i had better hit the sack and store up some zzzzzzzzzz's for a late night tomorrow night.

See some of you in the morning. To everyone else - may 2007 bring fruition to all your hopes and dreams.

Lotsa luv
Jen

Brain Drain

So tired....

still so busy.....

had a lovely time tonight at a friends house for tea, we met in kindergarten and she is still one of my best friends, how lucky am i!! She is also a GREAT cook.... just got home and am stuffed..

Have been reading blogs but havent known what to say to comment. My brain has obviously been fried, dont know how long it will take to recover. Hope it comes back soon though, i miss it.

Glad to see that everyone survived the silly season...

363 more sleeps til santa comes - yay... sorry, couldnt resist.

luv jen

YAY

ITS OVER....

Just the cleaning up to do and i don't care about that....

365 SLEEPS TIL XMAS!!!!!

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY

sorry... got a little excited there....

Mary Christmas to all my wonderful new friends in Blogland.



May your stockings and your hearts be overflowing.



May all your dreams come true.



Lots of love to you and yours.



Jen

xoxo

Things I LOVE about Xmas

• The faces of the children when they wake up and see all the gifts under the tree.



• Getting together with the whole family, happens rarely.



• Seeing my older half brother who lives in Sydney and comes up on Boxing Day with his daughters.



• Buying gifts for people and seeing them appreciate the thought i have put into selecting just the right gift for them.



• The peace and calm between the opening of gifts in the morning and everyone getting here for lunch.



• My fridge and freezer being absolutely chock-o-block. Satisfying.



• Geting together with friends, and the reminiscing that goes with it.



• Egan's Xmas Mohawk - has become a yearly tradition which gets cut off the week before school goes back. He looks like such a little bruiser.



• Fairy lights and decorations on houses - the amount of effort some people go to is amazing, and very much appreciated - especially by children.



• Boxing day - in all its no expectations, no pressure, boring glory.

Things I HATE about Xmas

• Shopping.... endless shopping...



• Getting together with the whole family.



• The rubbish left behind and the wizbin that never holds it all, so it hangs around for a week or two waiting to fit...



• The pressure of having to think of something to buy for so many people, it does my head in.



• The amount of money it costs - I have spent almost $400 on groceries alone in this last few days let alone the hundreds (I don't want to add it up) of $$$ on pressies.



• Cleaning. The whole house needs to be cleaned from top to bottom. Aaaaggghhhh - send in the clowns.



• Wearing a hole in the carpet after needing to go and sit the corner and rock after being at overcrowded shopping centres filled with crazed obsessed demons all trying to snag last minute bargains.



• The pace of life - it is absolutely manic. Everyone is so so busy and there is no time to sniff roses.



• Blogland being so quiet due to the aforementioned point.



• That so many people suffer for so many reasons at this time of year - loneliness, bad memories, lack of money, family issues..... this list could go on and on....



• The horrible nagging feeling that i have forgotten something or someone and that it is all too late - like batteries.... do i have all the batteries....



• That the whole reason for celebrating this day, regardless of your creed, has been lost in the huge capitalist, commercial consumerism, of more more more....



• Xmas cards. I have given up sending out cards but feel guilt when i receive them. It is much cheaper to give the senders a phone call and a personal wish and doesn't use any trees.

I didnt write this myself but agree with every word...

This
Xmas,
I would
like to put
up a tree in my
heart, and instead
of hanging presents,
I would like to put the
names of all my friends.
Close friends and not so close
friends. The old friends the new
friends. Those that I see every day
and the ones that I rarely see. The ones
that I always remember and the ones that
I sometimes forget. The ones that are always
there and the ones that seldom are. The friends of
difficult times and the ones of happy times. Friends
who, without meaning to, I have hurt, or, without meaning
to have hurt me. Those that I know well and those I only know
by name. Those that owe me little and those that I owe so much.
My humble friends and my important friends. The names of all those
that have passed through my life no matter how fleetingly. A tree with
very deep roots and very long
and strong branches so that
their names may never be
plucked from my heart. So
that new names from all
over may join the existing ones. A tree with a very
pleasant shade so that our friendship may take a
moment of rest from the battles of life. “May the
happy moments of Xmas brighten every day of
the new year”. These are my sincere wishes.

Pssst......

I dont mean to brag but.......

I HAVE FINISHED SHOPPING FOR THE DREADED SPF!!!!!!

No more shopping centres for me, just the little bi lo at maryland and a fruit barn then i am done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Y A Y ! ! !

(Think i have worn through the carpet in the corner though, from rocking)

More astro data from Edgar J Winter

Life is manic. Have hardly had time to pick a rose let alone smell one.

I had a delightful visit from Upduff and the Captain this evening, awesome.....

I got this in an email from Edgar. Its amazing how many people are feeling 'flat' at this moment (myself included, although i attributed it to tiredness) after this information, i am not so sure anymore....

thought i would share....

hmmm, interesting...


The Global Consciousness shift heats up with this Pluto/Moon conjunction!

Pluto, however we define it astronomically, is a powerful nuclear transformer. It colors this New Year's Moon cycle with the theme of letting go and letting god/dess. This is an inner scouring that reflects in our outer lives with global impact. Huge shifts are in progress to prepare for the infusion of galactic beams, already incoming on the charged-up solar flares and coronal mass emissions that are changing weather patterns and heating up the global consciousness shift. If you feel on edge, teetering on the brink of the unknown, that's the place, we are all there. Karmic cycles are coming back around. Don't let yourself be pulled back in them. Close your eyes and imagine, imagine bathing in the deep well of light.

Astrophysicists say a black hole is in the center of the galaxy. What is a black hole? An unknown, unimaginable space filled with infinite potential, subtle immaterial light that unfolds as we download. How pure is the system we are using to downloading? Time to de-bug.

Useless info

Check this out, it's a -

Birthday calculator

has all kinds of cool statististics and astrological info. It even tells the phase the moon was in when you were born!! I was born at the dark of the moon. Hmmm - anyone out there versed in 'moon lore' could maybe let me know if thats a good or a bad thing. I am sure its one or the other.

my age in dog years is apparently 5.90645792563601 years old. Hmmmm - i said there was useless info...

last shred of peace...

am hanging on to thursday.... only have to work 2 hours in the morning......

desperately trying to think of something to do that does not involve ANY kind of shopping for the SPF!!!

any ideas???

laze under a tree or something....

enjoy the last shreds of peace before the ferals will be unleashed for 6 weeks....

still tinking

...

Farewell for Kira...

My baby girl had her Year 6 Farewell this evening... my 18yo niece came over and did her hair and make up. By all accounts she was the loudest there, no shrinking violet is my Kira.

Here she is in all her finery....

So... needless to say, there goes getting anything done this afternoon!!!

Oh well.... plenty of time to get everything done....

sigh...

The latest from my Edgar J Winter email....

December 18: Sun conjuncts Pluto in Sagittarius

This is quite an intense conjunction and is prominent in the new Moon that occurs on December 20. You are prompted to let go of old beliefs and ideas that may have seemed quite valid up until now. This is a new cycle providing you with a fresh start. If you know your chart, look to see where this powerful conjunction takes place. That house is where your power base is, and if you don't get in the driver's seat, someone else may step in to take charge. So, if you want to be the director of your life, you'd better get in the director's chair!

Interesting.....

Hmmm - interesting.....

A Billion?

The next time you hear someone in government, or big business, rather casually use a number that includes the word 'billion,' think about the actual volume of a 'billion.'A billion is a difficult number to comprehend.

One advertising agency did a rather good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:

* A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

* A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

* A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age

* A billion days ago no creature walked the earth on two feet.

* But. a billion dollars lasts only 8 hours and 20 minutes at the rate the government spends it.

"Does that help to put it into perspective??

What is your power animal?

I just got this sent to me in an email. Discover your power animal - i got the elephant and the lioness, both of which confirmed and supported what i asked of it....

thought you might be interested.

Click this link to discover your power animal.

..........

rotten spf... who has time to pist...

flat out few days again - had the staff spf party for the main school i work at on Saturday night. Was absolutely crapping myself. Got frocked up... yes i did. Make-up, bra and everything!!! Should have got a pickie to prove it but didn't want to crack the lens.. hate photos!! Well i walked in, and wanted to run back out again.. felt out of place until friend Nicole turned up then the party got going. Ended up having an absolute hoot. Got to see the other side of some very professional teachers - good to see they are human too!! Yummy food and lots of laughter. Great night. glad i went after all.

Shopped Sunday with my girls, trying to finish the list. damn.... only have a couple to go now, I WANT IT OVER!!!! roll on boxing day.

Had to go out last night to my brothers house for tea as it was his wife's birthday. My mother thought it would be a good time to swipe at us.... hmmmm - needed to borrow upduff's bubble a couple of times. Ended up OK though, but another late night has made me desperately tired today. its 6pm and i am watching the clock for bed time. On a high note, my mother in law just rang to say she won a ham in a raffle and doesn't want it, and wants to give it to us. And we most CERTAINLY want to take it off her. A nice surprise.

Had to go to my middle child's presentation day today, AND sit on the stage to present some awards. PLURGH. Last time in my life though. Good news - I didn't pass out. I was grounding myself continually right throughout the whole circus and was OK. A bit spacey but OK. It ended up being the Kira show, with her walking away with 3 trophies, 4 medals and a certificate. Clever girl, takes after her mum (lol). Thanks to all the gods and goddesses its over is all i can say.

Am so tired that i cant think. Trying to write something witty or clever has proved totally beyond me - so am just blogging to let everyone know i haven't left the country!! hmmm nice thought that - does anyone know a country that doesn't celebrate spf??? sounds like a plan.

The time has come.....

to make a new pist....

Much apologies for my tardy pisting. Have had a very full couple of days. Most unschmick!!

Will try to go back over things...

Tuesday afternoon i went out and picked up my new car.. haven't yet fully decided on a name, but Etty is the leading contender. It is lovely. Smooth as silk to drive and still very unfamiliar. Still doesn't feel like mine i suppose once i get my JEN plates on it on the weekend, then maybe she will feel more like mine.

Wednesday evening i managed to go along to the summer solstice ritual at the cottage. I have never attended a ritual before and wasn't sure what to expect, only knew i HAD to be there. I had a wonderful time. I was feeling all kinds of powerful energies, surging in, pulsating etc. I was just sitting back, eyes closed experiencing it all when Upduff dropped a spider on me!!! I don't do bugs!!! AND it ran up my leg!!! Certainly a wide eyed moment for me - jolted back to reality too!! Lucky she is so cute - and i know it was an accident. All is forgiven.... All in all it was a lovely night. The ritual was meaningful, and on some level i experienced a remembering. The altar was amazing and so powerful - i am ashamed to admit that i have a pseudo-altar here at home and there has been all kinds of junk plonked on top of my special things... i know - very bad girl. Anyway back to the story - i feel like i have made lots of new very special friends there. Everyone is so nice, kind and bloody funny!!! Lots of laughter, lots of hugs, lots of food, lots of sparkles, lots of love, lots of everything. And Will only ALMOST stole my string with wishes on it!! I caught him in time, phew - lucky. Thank you everyone....

Thursday was bloody hot again and i was working in an office without air conditioning - damn it!! I just melt in the heat. I was absolutely HANGING to get home.
The gorgeous Captain came along with one of his deputies and moved my air conditioner and fixed the hinges on my oven. YAY!! Now you can all stop mentioning my hole, its well and truly sprung shut now!!! Clever Captain!!
I noticed a couple of jobs on the DET website that i could apply for for next year - permanent part time positions, one is two days and one is one day per week. Applications close December 15th.... "thats ok" I think.... plenty of time.... At about 9pm last night i realised that it was the 14th!!! AAAAGGGHHHHH - so i sit up typing till a flying cockroach bombed me and chased me out into the kitchen. Hmmm - I don't do bugs!!! Off to bed, get up early in the morning and do some, then finish after school today..... turns out i had plenty of time to do it today...

Friday - spent nursing my 6yo son again!! He spent the night throwing up again!!! Had to have the day off work - lucky i did cause the application took about 3 hours today. He is starting to come good just now, 4.15pm, miserable pain-in-the-tummy boy. Its been like he has been having contractions (sorry to mention contractions Upduff!!), with waves of nausea rolling over him every 10 mins or so. They are down to an hour and a half apart now so i think he is on the mend. Well the day off has been relaxing, if worrying. If i had the day off with no kids i would have been screaming around the zombie filled shopping centres trying to finish the last few things i have to get for spf. ..... will have to do that on the weekend now!! Plurgh!!

Roll on December 26th!!! Bah Humbug!!! sorry - feeling a little overwhelmed about the whole sorry mess.

Well that's my sorry tale....

sitting here on less then 2 hours sleep again....

sicky boy lying on the lounge all day again....

awesome new car....

stupendous ritual ......

thanks for persevering ....

sorry i haven't pisted sooner....

boy update - now declaring he is 'better' - wants food and is sitting up instead of lying down....
yay!!

I HAVE A NEW CAR.....

Woo Hoo....

Hubby bought her at auction today. She is a pretty blue and i love her too much. Will be getting it delivered tomorrow and have to run around after school tomorrow arvo registering it and getting my 'JEN' plates on it!!!

YAY!!!

Its amazing how happy a new set of wheels can make a girl eh!

fraidy cat

Well i just had a jolt back to reality - it is only a tooth after all.

I just ran into an acquaintance who is on the verge of tears, told me she is very very ill, and is going into hospital tomorrow for more tests.

A pulled tooth is a walk in the park compared to what she is going through....

Reminds me of the saying about the man who was walking around complaining about having no shoes, when he ran into a man with no feet.

Its all in the perspective isnt it.

Thanks everyone for your encouragement.

Will remember what you said Kathleen, i am sure it will help.

I will just stop being a baby and go and get it done....

first i have to make the appointment......

hmmmm

Ha Ha....

and psst... there may just be the slightest chance that i may be able to sneak out and attend wednesday evenings festivities!!!! will keep you posted

Toothless hag....

OH MY GOD!!! remember me complaining a couple of weeks ago that i had an abscessed tooth.... well half of it fell off today!!!

aaaaaaaaagggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

now that means i have to go to the......

to the.....

i can't even say it.....

the d...

d...

den...

DENTIST!!!!

Terrified am i.......

am completely sh!tting myself.....

and want to go back into my corner and rock.....

where is my pink pillow?????

Quotes...

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

- Oscar Levant

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will

be disappointed to discover they are not it.

- Bernard Bailey

Latest timings by Edgar J Winter.....

If you feel a bit strange lately it is the possible result of 8 planets in fire signs! Mercury is climbing onto both Mars and Jupiter at about 3 degrees Sagittarius most certainly bringing out the truth about the current war zones. Then the Sun at 16 degrees will rapidly overtake, Pluto at the Galactic ‘Black Hole in Space” at 26 degrees next Tuesday 19th December! We must warn you to be very careful on the road driving as well as keeping your possessions safely locked up. Venus is also in Sagittarius until the 12th and after that day you will wonder where all your money has gone! Smile. Venus for the next 2 days joins with Pluto for extra sensory delights, passionate relationships and tempestuous social life!

So right now six planets are in Sagittarius for faith and hope in your future and two, (Saturn and the Moon) are in Leo, for creative inspiration and a bit of awareness at any of your needs not being fulfilled. This is a powerful week to let the past go and build towards the future.

This astrological climate is full of visionary dreaminess (Neptune in Aquarius) and fondness for escapism and Romantic art (Uranus in Pisces). Your mission should you care to accept it, is to resist temptation, something almost impossible for the next few days!

Luv ya's..........

Ahhh what a FERAL few days it has been in blogland. I have to say i have felt a bit feral myself. Like i said Anchell, If the boot fits!! I understand Elizabeth when she says about feeling a bit strange. I have been feeling a bit strange too.

The high points of my day have been when i have sat down at my little best friend the 'puter and read blogs and their comments.

No matter how down i have been feeling, you girls TOTALLY crack me up!!! To the point of nearly wetting myself!!!!!

I feel at home. I feel challenged. I feel supported. And I feel appreciated. It has been a long time since i have felt these things all at once so often.

Luv yas
Jen
xoxo

Ho Ho Ho..... woo hoo

Since we have all been a bit feral lately, i thought i would make someone's day by posting this series of pictures ...... just going to go and clean up the drool!!!!

The Captain, shopping and schmick new pendants....

Am sitting here waiting the imminent arrival of the most excellent captain of all white goods. Have a very long list of jobs for him, not least the possible straightening of my wonky bush.

Have been very busy today (will go into more details about that later) and am hoping that Captain Kade can relate to the following badge......
Have managed to tame the savage beast somewhat, but who has time to clean when there is the emptying of bank accounts in preparation for the looming SPF to be done.

Have resigned myself to being a 'Non-Domestic Type Goddess' and have just registered the term with the relevant authorities. A brass plaque is apparently in the post. Franchises available soon.


I did a really silly thing today - I actually went to Charlestown Square!!! Idiot!!! With the intention of emptying out my bank account and to finish off purchasing all the gifts I still have to get for the *%$#ing SPF.

Well i walked and looked and looked and walked. I went and bought a latte to try and get my head around it all, got crash tackled by some crusty old man, who thought ramming me in the attempt to get a green plastic spoon was worth the risk of knocking me and my Latte over. That was after he pushed in and ordered before me - not surprising, i am always invisible at counters, with shop assistants actually looking over me to serve the person behind me. Double plurgh.

So i spent 1.5 hours getting one bloody thing.

I had a most lovely visit or two with Marys Raihn and Renata - and spotted the famous Barramundi Man!!! ewwwww - nice hat (not!!)

Went into Big Dubya and totally cleaned up and was a bit pissed at that because I COULD HAVE DONE THAT AT JESMOND with a fraction of the pain!!!!


Anyway, long story short, still have some things to buy, but feeling less stressed now.


I picked a couple of kids up from school this afternoon (mine... not random ones... ) and was presented with this awesomely schmick pendant from my Yr 8 daughter. She designed it herself and made it in D&T. It is made with real silver and everything (since when did public schools have enough money for real silver to throw at hormone filled teenagers).

I took this picky to show you -

What a clever girl eh!!!

Please note that it is resting on my new pink pillow!! Double schmick. I came home from that maniac shopping centre and sat in a corner, on my new pillow, and rocked!!

............

An hour later - the most loveliest and schmickest Captain has just left. He inspected my oven and can fix it for me!! So no need to measure my hole. He checked out my air conditioner unit which needs moving and hopped straight on the phone to one of his deputies who will be able to move the silly thing for a most reasonable price. I am a happy girl. Even though he is scared of heights, he climbed on my roof, didn't break even one tile, and got me a decent reception on my telly for channel 3 and thinks i need to get a new aerial to get the other channels. He even tuned the telly in and he didn't need the instruction book!! Clever Captain. Just before he left he straightened my bush (so you can all stop ripping me off now), it is still dusty and untidy but now much straighter!! Is there anything that man can't do!!

Well i better go and let the kids out of their cupboards and feed them i suppose.

Ta ta for now

Jen

xoxo

Battle of the Bush....

Well i thought i would join in on the whole bush battle bandwagon. Here is a picture of mine. It is very messy though, i think that it is because I have three children...... who has time for a manicured bush when there are so many kidlets running around ??? I dont know - I cant wait til they all grow up and then i will finally get to decorate my bush in really cool colours, maybe with a theme or something.... until then, its all in my dreams.

Was a little disappointed that it was so cold and wet on the day we put it up, i wanted to take it outside and give it a good hose. Not possible though, so consequently, the dust is still on it from last year..... bet santa sneezes once or twice when he gets close.... long as he doesnt drop my present though...

back later

jen

Sharing an email received today...... food for thought.

Don't cry because its over

smile because it happened

Pain and suffering is inevitable

but misery is optional

Yesterday is history,

tomorrow is a mystery,

today is a gift.

That's why they call it The Present

A good exercise for the heart is to

bend down and help another up.

Life is what you make of it....

kinda like Play Doh

The bubbling brook would lose it's song

if you removed the rocks....

Happiness comes through doors

you didn't even know you left open.

Everything is always okay in the end,

if its not, then it is not the end.

If all my friends jumped off a cliff,

I wouldnt jump with them.

I would be at the bottom to catch them.

A girl on the street is pointing up at the sky.

'Look, an Angel!' she yells.

A passerby laughs, 'You fool, that is only a cloud.'

How wonderful it would be to see Angels where

there are only clouds. How sad it would be to see

only clouds where there are Angels.

Here is a test to find out whether your

mission on earth is finished:

If you are alive, it isn't.

Sooooo cute!!!!

5 Things I really suck at.......

I saw this on another blog and thought i might do it....

1. LAUNDRY. I can wash the clothes. I can hang the clothes out. I can fold the clothes as I get them off the line (this is to avoid ironing most of the clothes). I can bring the basket of freshly washed, scented like a field of spring flowers, folded clothes into the house. That's where it stops. The baskets then get rifled through, mixed up, and scrunched (therefore requiring ironing) before they eventually get put away into various wardrobes. Hmmm - I am the lady of the laundry but not the lady of the putting away.
2. HOUSE CLEANING IN GENERAL - basically i suck majorly at house cleaning. A domestic goddess i am not!!! I can manage a passable living area and clean kitchen and toilet for visitors but you will almost always find all the bedroom doors shut. I hate this. I have friends and family who are clean freaks and it really shits me that i am not too. Although, sometimes i think 'get a life' when they moan about how 'messy their house is' - me all along knowing that it is at least 100 times tidier then mine.
3. SAYING NO - I am a sucker for that... I cannot say no - or should i say 'could not' say no. Have learned a bit lately and have been dropping responsibilities over the last couple of years but still.... just ask, i will do it!! Hmmmmm - see.... idiot!! I am almost finished with my 'official' volunteer commitments - end of this month - YAY. Will run and hide under nearest bush when anyone flaps over to me and says to me - "Jen, could you......" aaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
4. FROCKING UP - have already posted about this particular affliction. Am notoriously bad for keeping my bra on, wearing make up and for dressing in anything other then comfy casual. Did anyone notice that i had my top on inside out last Wednesday night.... funny thing was, i put it on, thought it was inside out so i changed it. Hmm silly me.
5. MEDITATING - I have a 'monkey mind' and have a lot of trouble shutting it up!!! I am more of a 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am' type meditater. In and out quick - get the information and get going. I wish i could sit in contemplative meditation for hours butI am afraid it just isn't me.

I'M BACK!!!

Well here i am....

BACK

Bruised but not broken.

Have managed to realign myself after encountering a 'five car pile up' on my highway of life.

Things have been set in motion and i hold good hopes for the future.

Much has been running through my head lately regarding people and relationships - all relationships, love, family, friends, work, acquaintances....

Sometimes i get caught totally unawares - trusting and allowing others to 'be' while i get on with my own 'be-ing'. Then all of a sudden - WHAM - i am knocked for a six and things come crashing down on me - totally unexpected.

This has happened to me on more then a couple of occasions. Even more then once by the same person!!! Am i dumb or blind or something..... must be.

I then find out about all the things i have done to be hurtful or thoughtless towards someone - things that i didnt even realise i was doing. Is this others' way of dumping their shit on me what? Why do i always stand still and let them? Even sticking my neck out one more time so they get a better shot!! Idiot.... i am.... sometimes.....

I AM HUMAN!!! Therefore i have faults. If i didn't have faults or issues i wouldn't be here.

People grow and evolve. Change is inevitable. I am not the answer to anybody's prayers and nobody is the answer to mine. I am responsible to me and for me (and my children obviously). And while i may ask advice of others, and people ask advice of me - choices made past that are the responsibility of the individual.

I have a huge tendency to get trapped in my head and or completely besotted with something almost to the exclusion to everything else. This is not designed to neglect anything or anybody but just is the way it is..... (hmmm - oh for a toilet that cleans itself).

I must look up every now and again to smell the roses (and toilet) and participate in life around me more....

I must make sure i look out for and recognise the signs of when someone is pissed off with me for neglecting something.

I must make sure that the time i need to remain true to myself is not impeded upon by others and their expectations of me.

I must continue to grow and heal. Learn and love. Give and take. Balance.

I have rambled enough....

I MISSED YOU ALL!!!

MWA