Tuesday, 17 August 2010

rambling…

again

 

 

so many thoughts running through my head.

I am in the hugest of transitions right now and I am not exactly sure how to proceed. So I am just going with my heart. I am trying to figure out the meanings of the signs and the feelings I have been getting. Plus the messages I have been getting from my guides.It all points to a shift away from where I was already.

I must be The Fool. I must trust that i am exactly where I am meant to be right now.

 

Some threads of thought that are going through my head. 

I want you to remember that I am on my own journey too. I am not an extension of YOUR journey. I have my own things that I must be doing, learning, achieving. I am doing quite well on those fronts too. So much has been gained lately, lots has been lost too, but there has been more gains. My job right now is very important. It is just as important as yours, or hers or his. Yours is important too. But no more important than mine. Nor mine yours. Why do you think that I am insignificant. Why do you believe that I am here to serve you. I am not. Why does it matter to me that you treat me badly. You ignore me, you freeze me out. It shouldn't, but it does. It hurts. It hurts that you have pushed me aside. I am wondering if this is because of my current situation here, alone, and maybe now I am a threat to you. I wonder. I wonder if you wish to make sure you avoid any of my insecurities, even though you have had plenty of your own and i supported you right through them. Why do you disrespect me. Why do you not answer the phone when I ring. Why do I bother. Why am I upset that you are absent. Why do i want to be near you when you make me feel unworthy. Why do you try and make me feel unworthy. Why cant you respect me enough to tell me what is going on. Why do others think you are kind and loving when you have hurt someone that has been there for you time and time again. Why do I care. Why do I cry. Why do I want things to change. Why am I on the edge of this precipice. Will I jump. Will anyone be there to catch me. I think not. I must do it alone now because I cannot trust you anymore. You have let me down. Why did I let you let me down again. I dont know what will happen from here on in, but my intuition tells me it is something huge. Maybe it is best if you are not around for that. You would not cope with that, no not at all. I am here. I am heart centred. I am learning. I am strong. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am the best me I can be. I am doing it all for me.

My blog posts lately have been disjointed ramblings as I am trying to make sense of this world. I am struggling a bit here, but overall I am on top of it. I must straighten this out in my mind. It is coming together. I have been getting some huge messages from my guides and have been pointed towards astrology in my life over and over and over again.

 

This is a crossroads

This is transition.

I must continue to seek within for the answers, they come to me as I need them. I understand that if something happens that I do not understand, I sit with it in my consciousness for a while and invariably the answers come. It is my human emotions that are hurting the most here. I am suffering rejection from those that I trusted most deeply. For reasons that I know not. Is it fear. Is it ego. Is it meant to be.

What is next…. I must wait and ponder some more…

 

xoxo

1 comment:

thetallredhead said...

Sometimes we gotta sit back and take what is thrown at us, don't we? As annoying as it is! You are doing very well, separation is never easy, no matter how civil. And some friends can seem friends and be the complete opposite. I found that out the hard way!