drifting…

I knew this would happen.

I am drifting in random directions right now. The only grounding anchor I have is work. And I have been getting a lot of days lately. Which is good. And is  also bad. Because it cuts me off. And I hate being cut off. It is a double edged sword. I find myself really enjoying the work I am doing at school, I get lots of positive feedback and intellectual stimulus, which I enjoy. I also get the chance to meet and mix with lots of people that don't normally move in my circles. I have made some very deep friendships and it is wonderful to be in the company of such amazing women and even a few men. The money is good too!! Oh yes, it is necessary for the money, seeing as Centrelink saw fit to take $130 per fortnight off me after they took into the calculations the money i have been getting in child support. Even though I have told them about it from the start!!! OMG, that was hard. BUT - only ten minutes after getting the letter letting me know about the deductions, I looked at my Inharmony Astrology for the week. The first couple of lines read -

“it's not really about the money. it's about what lies beneath it. value of yourself, your own self-worth, is where all manner of abundance first springs from. if somewhere deep within you feel you are lacking- then the outer will express the inner. with Saturn in your 2nd house of finances and self-worth for the next 2 1/2 years deep lessons about these subjects are set to unfold.”

Fark. 2 and a half years. Like I haven't suffered enough with Saturn for the LAST two and a half years…. sigh. OH well, must get on with it then… If that wasn't a mallet to the side of the head, i don't know what was.

So, immediately after I saw the astro info, I started affirming and manifesting. work started pouring in. Which is good. Except for the aforementioned state of being cut off. Sigh. My days are my only outlet now. I cannot go out nights. Not with any regularity anyway. Maybe random nights… I have even had to give up my dance lessons… (don't think about it and you will not get a mental image that you would rather not have, lol).

 

I am gathering that this information relates more to my creative side, and my inability to accept money for anything I do for anyone I know personally. It is about putting value on myself and my abilities and my talents.

I have just completed my third portrait session and have been really happy with the results. The latest one was really hard as it was quite dark and the child was a crawling baby. This presented lots of issues, but we overcame a lot of them and managed to get a few really good shots. Enough for our purposes anyway. Excellent.

My  next mission is to create a nice watermark and nice website. Then I am off. I have a plan!! I will see it through.

Then when I win lotto I will be able to do all this creative stuff whenever I want to without worrying about money.  :D yay, that will be good.

 

Also this last week, on the same day actually, Airlie turned 18 (cringe) and Kira started work at Hungry Jacks. What a huge day for us.  We survived though, and life goes on. Kira is still working, and Airlie is partying hard. :D

 

Anyway, there is lots more. I am struggling with lots of issues, regarding trust and betrayal. Also valuing self as I mentioned before.

It is a pretty huge set of stuff that is going on right now. Especially being alone and unsupported. Sigh. It will be all ok in the end, and if it isn't ok, then it isn't the end. I know all this.

Thanks for listening.

Jen

xoxo