Friday, 13 June 2008

distrustful feelings

Oh me, oh my

I am struggling a bit tonight. I have had a pretty full week or so. With lots to do, working heaps, plus the starstruck circus is back in town. Been pretty full on really.

I am a bit dissapointed in human nature. and particularly distrustful of my own judgement. there are those who... shall we say.... pass by blogs. Without doing the courtesy of leaving a comment every now and again.... and - well......yes

I understand this is a public blog that is posted to the world freely of my own will. And is totally open for all to see.
I just think that MORALLY - particularly if you come from another part of a persons life, or even their other split personality - you come back time and time again... you should COMMENT every now and again. otherwise it just feels like SNEAKING. And please dont use what you read here against me. This is MINE. My thoughts, my feelings, my ranting, my shit. Out there for me - and because Michelle picks on me if i dont (although you have shown remarkable restraint this time 'chelle... thank you).

Another topic all together. I have just been given another example of how i have NO IDEA when it comes to making a judgement about whether people acutually like me or not. I have been totally deceived by someone who I held in the highest regard. I trust that people are being true and honest when I am with them. Nice to my face and obviously (now) they dont like me. Shit. I am hurt and down about this. I cant think for the life of me what i have done wrong. Nothing. Its her shit not mine. But still.... it hurts.

How do i trust my judgement now. I just see what is put in front of me and dont try to read other motives into words or actions. Naive - obviously. Shattered.

Although i can see the same thing happening with my daughters. That is the significance of the Boab tree at the top of this post. The remedy for healing negative family patterns. Oh yes. We certainly put the 'fun' back into dysfunction.

Hmmm. Grrrrrr. Tricked. Deceived.

What do i do now. I dont want to be suspicious of everyone. I dont want to be on high alert and looking during every encounter for deceit.

Am going now.

To play something mindless on Facebook. Forget for a while.

Love to you - who are honest and real. Go away those who arent.


Cyndy said...

Hi Jen.
I'm not too sure about all this. Dysfunctional family????? I think that maybe it's just another variation on "normal".... I do like the "fun" bit though......
And for some people, it's too hard to present their 'real'self. Maybe that one's not strong enough, or won't be liked.
I'm sorry that the actions of others have made you feel this way; trust your own judgement, and believe in yourself, Jen. You are worth it.

The boab tree is beautiful; I will have to research it now that I have "time"... *insert evil, maniacal laughter here*
Love to you and yours xoxoxoxo

Anchell said...

Nothing wrong with a bit of innocence my dear.
However, you need to be able to leave things on the floor and not pick em all up and make em yours. If someone else has an issue with you its is totally their own shit and not yours to own. Do not waste your energy trying to figure out why, just as long as you are happy with you then all is well. If they bring up issues for you that involve bits of you that you are not happy with then maybe its the mirror principle happening for you and a little work needs doing. But for you not for them. Other peoples opinions are not your business and they can go and get knicked. So there!
Love you knobhead xxxx

Myst_72 said...

Hi Jen,

Not sure what happened - but I'm sorry you feel bad. I know what you mean about the 'sneakers' I find it equally frustrating if you leave comments regularly for people and they don't ever leave you one.
Toni is the only person that reads my blog that I know 'in real life' - I think I would be a bit more restricted in what I say if there were any more - especially family/work.
As you say, it's their shit, you've done nothing wrong - and if you had they should have discussed it with you.


Lisa said...

this is a complicated post.
I have never thought about people reading my blog and needing to leave comment- i read nearly all the blogs but seldom comment and i dont see how that can be sneaking when they ( the blogs) are published on the World Wide Web.
However, i do have some idea what you are talking about becasue I KNOW of a couple who regularly read my blog and therefor know everything that is going on in my life and the nest and the cottage and then use it to tell other people what 'lisa is doing now'
Such is life.

As you will recall , a few weeks ago i suffered the pain of having someone fall off the pedestal and yes, it hurts and requires some thought readjustment.

Poor Jen- ofocurse everyone is going to think it is me you are pissed at becasue you ahted me earlier this week but i am sensing it is someone else altogether.

I hope i am right.

Comments on blogs shoudl not be important becasue who are you blogging for in the first place?
yourself or others ?

If this is causing you distress than maybe you need to adjust the blog settings so that only people you want to see your blog will.

Sending love Jen, as always
Maryme xx

Jen said...

Was really pissed off last night. Probably ranted a bit too much. I agree with the WWW thing Lisa, but yes, when it is used against you by someone from the Muggle world - my other mundane life - well.... I feel a bit violated.

My fault.

I should be aware - well, I was aware - just didnt expect consequences, thats all. I will be more careful in future.

I too dont comment every time i read a blog. But i have commented on everyones blog that i read regularly at some point.

And just for the record Lisa - I never ever hated you, and no need to apologise. Its all good.

Thanks everyone for your support.

Jewell said...

I know i read and often don't comment, mainly due to bear pushing all the keys on the keyboard at the wrong time LOL

love to you Jen

Hippy Witch said...

Some people are afraid of what they don't understand and as everyone has stated it is their shit my darling, honour yourself, hold your head high and know that you are beautiful.
I love you Jen