Life is in my way so bad it is like having ayres rock blocking my path.
I feel immobilised and numb.
Helpless and adrift.
Hoping art tomorrow will allow me to re enter the world and think again.
I feel unable to go into details. Just surviving through emotional turmoil.
I do feel though that things are improving a little, and continuing on the upward trend.
This is normal for me - to retreat into my cave when i have information to process. I just feel really quiet and introspective. Not able to verbalise anything.
Keep remembering the saying "if god bought me to it, he will bring me through it".
this is helping.
i think it may be partly due to pluto retrograding back over the galactic centre. because it is retrograde, it means 'inner transformation' rather then 'outer transformation' which is what happened when it was direct.
I am certainly doing a lot of long hard thinking. sorting and sifting. ditching the old outdated beliefs etc. trying to find the 'essence' of who and what i am and how i fit in this world of mine that i have created.
why i persist on feeling unworthy. hmmm
one really beautiful bright spark happened yesterday. my neighbour from my previous house called in to visit. she is a wonderful wonderful person. reiki master. clairvoyant, super understanding and nurturing. god i have missed her. she came and we talked and talked. makes me smile every time i have thought about her since. we havent seen her for about three and a half years. how did i let it get so long between visits, especially since i drive right past her house several times a week. she revitalised me. i needed that. maybe that was the point where i started coming back.
oh well, might go to bed, only stupid motorcycle racing on telly as per every sunday night in this house and i am sick of my book
see you when i am looking at you