connie confused

Well - here I go again.

Connie Confused.

Thats me.

I have resisted blogging about this for a while now - thinking that I am a truly defective human bean. Which i probably am, but...still...

I just read the new Energy Alert from Karen Bishop - here it is if you havent read it and would like to LINK

Hmmmmm

It seems that what we need to deal with now is being MAGNIFIED. for us to deal with. My that explains a lot.

I have been having strange feelings and sensations and thoughts - around others and this has to do with integrity and honesty and respect - mostly.

It also has to do with self esteem, self worth, self value.

It is all that and more - the unexplainable - all rolled into one very confusing big bundle of tangled strings that is incredibly hard to decipher, let alone untangle, let alone explain.

and it is happening more and more often - with more and more intensity

I am confused.

I am hurt.

I am trying to understand.

I am kinda getting it, but just when it seems that my monkey mind has grasped what is required of me, it seems like it is ripped away again.

frustrating

Sorry

am rambling

am down, sad, sigh

I really need to figure this out - and fast. Before I unintentionally offend ABSOLUTELY everybody in my life. I am becoming paranoid. And considering locking myself inside my house til i figure this out.

Sorry again.

Dont worry about trying to decipher this.

Just pat me on the head and say 'there there'. that will do.

might go and do my cards

where is Freya when you  need her

sigh

bye

Breathing again...

Am ok

breathing again

oh wow i had an incredibly awful rush of anger last night. you might have noticed.

and no lisa, the epiphany is still in progress - settled down a little, but still happening.

it was just everyone else that was pissing me off.

a certain sibling, shall we call the super salesman, chose this week to display some of his less savoury attributes. sneaky, childish dickhead.

then dickhead arseholes that have been stuffing around with my daughters head for eighteen months come in and go for another round - in the process making me want to go and smother them with a pillow (again) but I wont. because i know that it is not spiritual. is it. f&^%wit. and if i smothered it, I would go to jail. where is the justice in that.

i worked myself up into such a rage, i actually tipped the bottle of emergency essence into my throat and swallowed about a quarter of a bottle. i was in a state.

after that i just lay down and went to sleep. gotta love EE.

I woke up fine

dunno if it has to do with the lack of nicotine rampaging through my body.

its been more then a week now - still going strong.

I had lunch with my two oldest friends on monday - i was a bit worried about it - but they sat there puffing away and i didnt even feel a twinge of wanting one. yuck. stinks.

so the anti smoking campaign is going well. most excellent in fact.

now i must go and do my seed for the morning.

luv ya
xoxo

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I. really. have. the. shits.

am trying really hard to chill out but finding it almost impossible.

EVERYBODY is pissing me off

(not you guys - I really REALLY like you all)

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

that is all

Times, they are a'changin'......

So much going on. So many changes.

Life has had me in a whirlwind lately and I dont actually know which way is up yet.

So.... in keeping with current trends, I decided to give the blog an overhaul too. A big change of colours too - not like me at all.

Discovered a blog following gadget thingy while at the dashboard this morning, actually i noticed it when i saw that my blog had a follower!! what the?? must investigate thinks me. Well, i have added lots of blogs and the thingy that goes in the side bar too - very schmick. Thanks Steph for putting me onto this - HOWEVER - I cant add your blog Steph. It says something about no feeder for your blog or something. I dont understand - maybe you could check your blog settings or something to see if you have disallowed feeds....?? Just a thought - dont mean to be bossy.

Lots of personal changes too -

one major one - I no longer smoke. I took those Champix tablets. They work really well. I havent had a fag for 5 days and it is really 8 days since i had more then a couple of puffs. Disgusting things those ciggers. I have found it very easy - and except for the awful nausea sometimes after i take them - especially if i havent had something substantial to eat immediately before swallowing the tablet.

things have settled down at home enormously too - husband seems to have gone through an epiphany or something. very strange. still processing this one. suffice to say that things are relatively peaceful around here.


I have been having some very strange and vivid dreams lately as Thursdays girls will attest - there has been more. May have something to do with the champix - i dont know. Whatever triggered them - i have been getting some incredible messages and often get up with my head reeling from all the information i have to try and process.

I havent blogged for a while eh. I have actually opened the 'create post' page several times. I just cant think of anything to say - well, sometimes i have too much to say and dont know how to say it. Maybe i wore myself out with the 43 things thing. Even though I dont often post - I read every day and lots has been going on with everyone I notice. It certainly has been a tough couple of weeks for lots of people - it is good to know that we are not alone i guess.

So... big hugs to everyone.

Must go and actually DO something instead of sitting here on this computer.

blessings
Jen

xoxo

lol