Dear Santa,

I've been a good mum all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of choc.bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any colour, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the lolly aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mummy' to boost my parental confidence, along with three kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother/sister,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the cat.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season.

Would it be too much trouble to declare tomato sauce a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MUM...!

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children happy, healthy and always believing.

ha ha ha

THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE

The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, when you see them, they will make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, "Mom, how many types of "willies" are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his "willie" is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree??"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

I have some good news and some bad news...

the good news is that i will be a free woman next monday and from then on as my collegue is coming back to work after the sudden death of her husband. So that makes me freeeeeeeeee



the bad news is that i am finishing work this friday, and therefore there will be no more pay packets before christmas....... damn



reality is, i am happier to be finishing then the pay packets would have made me, so i am happy happy joy girl



life is mad

ferrying various offspring from one bloody thing to another, day in day out - shit, what a pain


and tomorrow, pft tomorrow, wait til you hear this

i signed up for two billets from a victorian school for wednesday night. they are only staying for one night. the teacher was having trouble placing all of them so is said, IF you are stuck, i could have two more, as long as they are all the same sex. I could throw them out into the family room and it would all be ok.

i got the extra two. and i got two boys and two girls. damn. two year nine boys, a year 10 girl and a year 11 girl. shit. replan i think. at least kira had the sense to turn down the couple in love, the diabetic, and the vegetarian.

think about it peoples.... i have SEVEN KIDS TO GET READY FOR SCHOOL ON THURSDAY MORNING. and i have to get them all there. i will have to make two trips. shit.

oh well, hopefully will be fun. shit. seven kids.


anyone got a bus i could borrow?


anyway, gotta go and get tea cooked and get kids to touch footy tonight, ready to meet hubby so i can go to YAAD.

just noticed that i have pisted three times today.......... make that four counting this one.

fabbo

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

just showing off

ha ha ha

f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f

yayayayayayayayayayayayay


it is so freaking fantastically fabulous to be able to say FFFF

hee hee

thursday again.... phew

here it is, thursday again. my doesnt time ffly when you are having ffun. am going to get a new keyboard tonight. i ffifnally was able to ring the microsofft helpline and he spent an hour and seven minutes on the phone to me trying diferent things, yet still couldnt get it to work. notice sometimes it types two off that ofending letter, only when i am typing quickly. iff i just hit the key nothing happens. and because the let arrow doesnt work either, i am not going back to remove the double one. maybe it is using them all up by typing two off them all the time.

has been a pretty ok week.

attended the uneral of my friends husband on monday. shocking. very very sad. still not sure how long she will be of work ffor. maybe the end off term, maybe she will be back sooner. depending on how she feels, she is taking it one day at a time. i am just cruising along too. happy one way or the other. though, honestly, now i have gotten used to it, i would be happy to work the rest of the term, the money will be awesome.


brad got a new job, he will be working ffor a company that delivers oil and stuffff. three days in the depot and two on the road, getting $7 per hour more then he is getting now in the depot, and $9 an hour more when he is on the road. hmmmmm, he is happy. although overtime isnt guaranteed, so his wage will not go up much - though he will only be working 38 hours. this could mean that i will be able to do more (selffish bitch arent i) as he will be more regular.


took the reak of nature to the child psychaitrist today. he is emailing me some forms to fill out but he listened to our story and asked some questions then went on to describe her totally, reaky. turns out she truly is ADD. he has prescribed ritalin. damn. i have to do this though, to give her a chance at ffuliflling her potential. she is willing to give it a try. he was really nice and wants to keep in email contact with us and was really positive and encouraging to kira. she likes him too. will keep our fingers crossed and hope this makes a diference.


having a day of today was good. even ifff i spent most off it in a doctors surgery. did a spot off shopping. wandered around greenhills for a couple off hours. certainly some interesting characters wandering around up there. verrrrry interesting. hmmmmm


well, will stop boring you now and go and do some housework. yay, looking fforward to that most deifnately.

hmmmmmmmm

luv jen
xoxo

another shitty week

whingeest again

still havent got a new keyboard, who would have the time with all the running around o kids, working, sleeping...... ark

Well there is a new angel in heaven now. My collegue's husband, who if you remember drove himsel to hospital a little over a fortnight ago feeling a little off, passed over yesterday. RIP Wayne. Please send healing energy to is wife Karen and sons Matt and Ben. Holy crap.....

Chelle is yelling at me to take my turn at scrabble, but it is down. Damnit. Have a spare ten minutes too.

Must go and get a bloody keyboard. sick o it. not only do i not have an ' ', you know, i also dont have the numeral ive on either the keypad or keyboard, the let arrow, or the numbers two six and eight on the keypad. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr snoing microsot keyboard.

I have survived

Am here, have survived.

will blog tomorrow

ater i buy a new keyboard. it wont type the number ive or the letter that comes ater e and beore g. tis driving me nuts, and makes it really hard to swear... uck uck uck


he he he

this week, much better, still shit

whingeest part two

luv jen
xoxo

What a week so far....

Shit....

It has been a really shit week. Ready for a whinge fest, well here i go.

Here is a list of all the things that has been happening to me during the past week or so. They are in random order. Is it any wonder why i am a bit deranged this week.

• My collegue's husband has found he has multiple brain tumours and cancer in his chest. this has meant he has gone from a relatively normal man and husband to being unable to feed or dress himself within four days.


• Because of this, i will probably be relieving her til the end of the year.


• My sister in law (almost forty) ran off with some bar fly of twenty six, leaving her husband and three children. WTF???


• A very very dear friend of mines ex husband is on the front page of todays herald for raping, drugging, and leaving some young chick for dead in the boot of her car. All this while my friend was still married to him and we were all going away camping and bbq's together etc etc. WTF WTF WTF????????? Speaking of going away, he is going away for at least six years. She has two kids to him aged twelve and fourteen, love to them.


• I developed a fiercely burning, ichy rash on my chest that glowed like rudolph the frikkin red chested reindeer. This was probably from the stress that i have been under at work to fulfill higher duties with little or no training.


• Made an appointment for the Freak of Nature at a Child Psychaiatrist. Hmmmm


• BELTANE ROCKS!!! Gotta love a high point.


• i nearly got divorced.


• Stuck on a thousand bandaids and gave out a trillion icepacks at school, all the while doing the work of two people.


• I saw renata at hades this evening whilst ducking in to the dreaded supre to purchase a t'shirt for a costume for a dance number for the freak of natures performance next week. She did the warding off curse symbol at me.... i hope she was doing it to satans pit, not me......


• I have taken children to and picked them up from this week, Jets cheer squad training, ballet, jazz, touch football, touch football (again), a birthday party, trick or treating, ballet (again), a friends house, charlestown square and work. Must get me one of those 'mums taxi' tags for the car.


• Thats enough.


• Did i mention that Beltane at the cottage was awesome.

Sorry. Whingefest over.

Going to relax for a while in front of the telly and stay up too late, making me tired tomorrow... and the next round of drop off and pick ups, band aids and icepacks..... Grrrrrrr x 57890187817890785

Luv ya

bye