another opportunity for growth and for healing...
Reflect on your periods of ashes-times of darkness-when you set fire to your own nest, were consumed by the flames of loss then emerged transformed like the phoenix.
How many times have you squeezed out of an old shell that suffocated you?
What did you learn from what you walked away from?
Take your heart in your hands today and refuse to turn your back on the summons of your life.... Hare in the Moon Astrology
When I think back over my life there has been quite a few instances of 'ashes-times of darkness'. Its interesting to note that on virtually every occasion, there has been a catyalyst and a volcanic like bursting from the flames to find myself transformed into another incarnation of myself. I believe I am in the process of this purging right now. When I close my eyes I can see great avalanches of baked on crud loosening and falling in sheets from my body. The great piles of hardened crap, that has been weighing me down for years, is falling away. The build up of rock and armour like protection around my body is cracking and falling away. Mentally I am going through a huge 'revisiting' period, with situations, words, feelings, emotions, churning up past my awareness for a last look before (hopefully) being transcended for good... this is actually a much more painful process than I expected and it is interesting to see the patterns that are emerging... Some feelings and emotions are harder to revisit than others, a couple of them are clinging to me and I need to remove those before they take root again. And again, as per most of these kind of memories I have in my life, I am alone. Sometimes I wish I could share this with a special person, but there isnt one.. never has been really. Sometimes I think that I get trapped under the weight of this crap because just the sheer force of it all going around and around in my head keeps me from being able to see my way clear. The bottom of the pond is being churned up and surfacing right in front of my eyes...
There is no option but to keep walking.. putting one foot in front of the other and trying to make sense of all this. Put it in its place and reject that which no longer serves me.