What a long time between blogs!! I think thats a new record. Its been an eventful few months.
The usual roller coaster ride from blissfully amazing highs to woefully shattered lows.
The main thing though is that there has been incredible progress made in this time. I have spent long long days and nights 'down the rabbit hole' and there is barely a shred of my soul left unsearched.
I emerge from this period of time with some new scars, but with a shiny sense of self for the most part - obviously, if i was perfect then I would be dead... or Jesus, and I am clearly neither, so there is a way to go of course.
Life is INCREDIBLY busy. Busier now than it ever was when I had babies and toddlers. Definitely the busiest days of my life right now. My job, which has been casual and temporary for the past ten years has just been made permanent. So as long as Barry keeps his hands away from around my throat, I am home and hosed. I think I will be safe but fingers crossed we all get to keep our jobs.
Still searching for a house to buy, but now the job is permanent, then a home loan will be easier to come by, more secure and less worry for me for sure. My guidance has been assuring me that a new home is not far away now and we are sooo excited. A new start in so many ways, renting a house after being a home owner for twenty years is a rude shock, although I am so grateful for the haven that this place has been. Will not miss my landlord though, arrogant, condesending, misogynistic prick that he is. I dont like him, did you notice?? lol. The places we have inspected are getting closer and closer to what i need so hopefully it wont be too much longer now.
It is just so amazingly liberating to be able to make these decisions for myself and choose what suits me and my kids. Sometimes it is a bit hard to control the thought processes, when there is little outlet, they tend to roam around and around, but I am slowly learning to work with this constructively. Loving being my own person. Relishing sharing EXACTLY what it is I wish to share at any time with any person. Being completely responsible for my own shit, loving it. Of course, a friend with benefits every now and again would be appreciated, if you get my drift. ;)
Much much more to say, will try and make more regular installments, as it is good to get this stuff out for me also.
Wonderful to see you again. I have nothing to hide and will enjoy sharing this next part of my journey with you.