Saturday, 31 January 2009
The perspective from the see saw...
maybe One minute you are up, the next you are down
or Up Down Up
Am shaking my head at my life and thinking - no wonder I am a freaking nutcase.....
I have spent a reallly nice day, just quietly, in front of the air conditioner (thank the goddess for that), reading, on the computer... lovely.
When out of the blue comes a huge pile of doo doo dumped right in front of me.. nothing but to fall over it, face first.
Deal with that..
Then off to the Cottage for a wonderful night, with humungous belly laughs with the girls for Debs birthday dinner - HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEB!! LOVE YA!!!! You girls are sooo much fun - missed you Lisa.
Then home again and all is calm again.
I think it is the huge swinging emotional dramas of having two hormonal teenage girls in the house, plus my own hormones - and i am probably in the early stages of menopause, judging from my hot flushes etc. No wonder this is a freak show at times.
I just dont know how to deal with it. Like you are walking along, humming a little tune, when out of the blue someone belts you over the head with a dead fish. Whammo. Didnt even see it coming.
I hate it. I cant do anything about it - cept try to survive emotionally myself. Its hard and sometimes I reallly struggle. I am super sensitive. I cant help that, its just me.
I wonder for what reason this is upon me to learn about and so just let me learn it and lets move on. NEXT!!!!!!!
am sick of it
i just want to be happy
oh well... onwards we go.....
Thursday, 29 January 2009
Been really busy being a social butterfly today, with a latte with a dear friend, a Sarcasm Sister - who has one of those quirky senses of humour that, mixed with mine, sees us rolling around laughing for most of the time we are together. Love it.
And then a humdinger of a roll for lunch with my bloggy (and real life) friend Natsy. More rolling laughing, dissection, d&m'ing and some wickedly yummy diet (apparently) chocolate.
A good day for sure
No offspring in sight all day.
All good on that front too.
I dont know if you recall my melodrama's re the eldest heading off to the new college for year 11 and my terror that she would ditch it because of being shy. Well she went and she likes it. PHEW!!!!!!!!! That is really really good news. She feels empowered and seems to have really grown up to where she should be virtually overnight. We sat and had a lovely chat for over an hour last night about stuff - school, friends, work, the future etc. You may take this for granted with your own teenager, but this kid has done little more then grunt at me for the past two years. MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH PEOPLES. I was revelling, but at the same time really conscious not to stuff it up. Hopefully it will happen again soon, establish some kind of pattern of communication here..... will wait and see what happens...
Middle child, the freak of nature, has gone back to school and is yipping off the walls at excitement. She has made some new friends and is looking forward to her new electives.... Hopefully she will maintain that enthusiasm - but not go overboard.... hmmm - wishful thinking??? lol
The boy is just happy. He is in a class with his mates and the swimming carnival is on tomorrow. He won his age group last year and it is now a lot to live up to - long as he does his best..... he is hard on himself though.
Working again tomorrow. At my favourite school. Yay. AND they have an air conditioner. YAY. So best go and get packed.
Monday, 26 January 2009
I dont get it . . . .
It has been mental around here lately - a constant stream of people coming and going. Housework, which never goes away, shopping, cooking, aaaaaaagggghhhhh.... ok - breathe.....
Today is the last day of the holidays for me. I have to work tomorrow, no pupil free day for me!!! Kids back on Wednesday - cept for Airlie... maybe.... whose school issued a note stating that they will start back next monday - now there is no strike... who frikken knows.
Sooooo - no more yummy sleep ins... no more lazing around in my jarmies til lunch time.... no more living for the moment. Back to structure and routine. Getting up early and getting organised. Oh well... it was always going to happen.
AND I left my run til late and have an IMMACULATE HOUSE!!! Even the laundry. So - come over - RIGHT NOW!!! while it lasts... no - actually - am INTENDING to keep it this way. yes. good plan. :) domestic goddess am i.. ha ha ha
oh well - now I have checked in it is time to work
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Friday, 23 January 2009
What to say, what to say.....
I got my new specs today... I am VERY cool..... yes.
hmmm - methinks I need a new haircut to go with the specs. Yes.
Have a kid and zilla at the Big Day Out today. Little bit nervous. It is big. Well... not only because it is the BIG day out, but because it is a huge day. Kid never has had an experience like this before. Hopefully she/they will have a great day.....
Had a big day today. Managed to FINALLY get some work done. Will work even harder and maybe even finish the thingy (technical term) tomorrow. Am hard worker extraordinaire !!! For some person or another..........
Nothing really more to say...
might go and read some... wind down for some sleep
waiting for family to start for home in a couple of hours or so - will not really rest until they are home.
dont like the unknown - no indeedy
trusting - yes... still
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
Have had probably 3 hours sleep - not sleeping well lately... I dont know why - I just seem to lie there for hours and listen, think, see stuff..... drift off then wake again. I was awake at 5.30 this morning and was not able to get back to sleep - so I got up, had a coffee, read for a while then hopped into cyberspace, trying, largely in vain, to get my head around some really, really technical type financial stuff for one of my many jobs. It is starting to get there but - slowly, slowly.... teaching old dogs new tricks, and all that jazz....
I need another coffee methinks. Desperately need to become alert. Grrrr
In other news - NO teachers strike!! So BACK TO SCHOOL mwa ha ha (that was an evil laugh...) It is very good news for me as I had to work those days anyway and now I dont have to leave my boy to the dubious ministrations of his sisters for the day. Excellent.
2009 - somehow, for me, the new year really only starts when the kids go back to school. For some reason I seem to be on hold for most of January each year - so I am about to come out of the void and into reality... will figure out what that means for me soon... much to ponder for sure - from my first glance from where I am sitting here it seems to mean a lot of working... which is good on one hand and not so good on the other - If my family was more supportive of the space I need then things might be different....
Aggghhh - am going to get more coffee ... head is buzzing it is so tired.
Will blog later...
Sunday, 18 January 2009
When me prayers were poorly said
who tucked me in me widdle bed
who spanked me til me butt was red
in the morning when the lights would come
and in me crib me dribbled some
who wiped me tiny widdle bum
oh dear - I just love remembering a time when i had a widdle bum.... memories...
So this ranty pist is all about me mudder
this morning bright and early we get a phone call from her bestie telling us she has been up for three nights with severe back pain
so me and bradzilla go in there to load her in an ambulance and cart her off to hospital
she was in high spirits, it had only been two nights without sleep and she had this weird thing, pain, burning thing shooting up to her back from her sciatica (spell??)
so - we rang GP Access and got her an appointment - long story short - her thinks she has shingles, or the early onset bit of shingles. So the poor thing, gets bundled home with a handful of panadeine forte and instructions to take a handful and try to get some sleep. Nothing can be done until the blisters do or do not come out. Poor bugger - she has ended up having an hour or so today - she has the most incredible pain threshhold that woman - if she is complaining, it must bloody cane!! Soooo - Healing Please !! Thank you.
Ok, so thats the poem and the sad story, now for the request.
The old bag (me mudder, and I call her old bag to her face) has got it into her head that she wants to learn how to use a computer.... oh crap (shuddering a lot)
I have an old computer here, it still works and is a bit slow - but should do the trick - i dont have a monitor. Does any of my local bloggy friends have an old monitor laying around that they want to give away/sell for very cheap?? Goddess help us when she gets it going, at least her friend who already has a computer has offered to teach her. I couldnt do it. I have nooo patience. I would probably belt her with the mouse cord or something, not really, but you know what i mean....
sooo - has been a big day for us here with all that hospital stuff going on. I was going to finish the house stuff but - didnt get a chance. Oh well, tis still there waiting for me...
going to read for a while now and go to bed.
Since November we've been in intensive negotiations with the Teachers Federation to achieve reasonable and affordable pay rises for school and TAFE teachers.
With the help of the Industrial Relations Commission, we've made significant progress.
On Tuesday 20 January the Industrial Relations Commission will make a recommendation that should finalise our negotiations.
The government will be ready to rapidly consider and respond to the Commission's recommendation. I understand that the executive of the union is also meeting on Tuesday 20 January.
If all goes as anticipated, we'll achieve a settlement and the proposed two-day strike will not proceed.
Of course I'll circulate full details once we have a final result.
Just in case you are interested....
Saturday, 17 January 2009
Please send all the encouragement you can - I need it!! LOL
and - here is a joke for you -
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing the compartment, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berthand she in the lower.
At 1am the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, ...........
'Ma'am, I am sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into that closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea', she replied 'Just for tonight, ........... let's pretend that we are married.'
'Wow!......... thats a great idea!', he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied............................. 'Get your own fu#@%ing blanket.'
After a moment of silence, ............................ he farted.
Friday, 16 January 2009
off to work i did go
today i started work with a guy i worked for years ago. In his office, just doing the books and wages for a couple of hours each friday.
oh - how did i forget.
this is a workshop where no females work (cept for me now) - the toilet doesnt have a door on it. the sink is under three inches of grime. the kettle is um, im not sure if it is white or grey. my desk and everything on it was covered in a layer of greasy dust.
last time i started working for him it took me three days to get the kitchen and bathroom fit for me to use. not bloody doing it again. will take a thermos and if i need to go to the loo, will go down to the club.
will definately be spraying and wiping the desk though. I went looking for some spray and wipe and a dishcloth, all i could find was an oily rag and home brand detergent.... it can wait til next week.
i 'might' fix up the kitchen bit - dont know. DEFINATELY not having anything to do with the loo.
was good though.
ha ha - within five minutes - boss man said really loudly "FUCK" after something went wrong. Cracked me up - aahhh feels like home - you dont hear that very often in school offices.
made me a bit worried though. obviously my standards are lower then i thought. Hmmmm
going to read now
Monday, 12 January 2009
Its incredible how timely these notes are - right when i started pondering, along comes encouragement -
Lets just pretend that didnt happen - ahem
I was obviously feeling nostalgic - and because it is the only photo I have with my dad... nuff said.
Time to move on peoples
now - who else is game enough to post an embarrasing photo of themselves??
C'mon - share the pain!!
Sunday, 11 January 2009
Here is a picture of he and I that was probably taken about 1973...
Please try to restrain yourselves
I don't know who dressed me etc, and I know I will cop a serious sledging about this, but for some reason wanted to post it.
I actually really like this picture, he is tickling me (hence the wide open mouth)
In other news..
I have fixed my 'b' problem. It turned out that I had a piece of crud lodged in the keyboard between the g, h and b - every time i hit a g or h it pushed the b down too.
I bet you really wanted to know that - eh.
More randomness - Miss 16 and I just made the most incredible fruit salad - Rockmelon, pineapple, peach, strawberries, apple, banana, orange, grapes, kiwifruit, nectarine, divine!!!!
Saturday, 10 January 2009
not sure why random 'b's are poppingb up in my text.....
honestly - unless i have developed some sort of nervous tic, am not sure why this is happeningb
had a lovely (ish) dinner with family members - no one gbot stabbed - what more could you ask
missed Helens birthday gbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HELEN!!! Was thinking of you
sorry - am a bit of a misery gbuts this eveningb.......
Thursday, 8 January 2009
Sometimes I decide to goof off all day.
Sometimes I welcome the voices in my head, other times I tell them to go away
Soemtimes I worship the very ground you walk upon
Sometimes I measure myself against others
Sometimes I want to employ a housekeeper
Sometimes I walk like i belong in the Ministry of Silly Walks
Sometimes I search for my cousin on google
Sometimes I think life is exactly what you make of it
Sometimes after midnight I drag myself to bed even though I dont want to go
Sometimes I try to be something I am not
Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine my dad standing beside me
Sometimes I think really bizzarre stuff
Sometimes I will cry for no apparent reason
Sometimes I wont do as I am asked
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
I am HOT!!!
Well - not as hot as i could be, the air conditioner is going.. ha (dont tell me you thought I really meant me??)
I am just so bloody relieved that it hasnt reached the predicted 38 degrees. Was in more then a mild state of panic over that one let me give you the drill. Prepared and shopped to batten down the hatches and not leave the cave for at least three days. Got lots of salady type food and dvd's. All good.
Have been swimming too. Would you believe the pool is frikkin freezing!! took me about half an hour to move off the steps and another half an hour to get fully wet. DESPITE the 8yo tornado's efforts to drown me. pft
All in all - feeling VERY grateful that i have air conditioning AND a pool. Very grateful. muchly.
TOMORROW - Will be hitting the shops - Target in particular - for some fabbo back to school deals. Every year I think to myself "Self - dont go there!!!" and every year I get sucked back in. Sigh.... they just have some deals that are too good for me to refuse. So I guess I will stop trying to stop myself and just accept the inevitable... acceptance - yes - that is the answer
Hmmm - just thinking about going gets me all excited. I am a stationary ADDICT. I am. I actually am really really looking forward to wandering (alone) through aisles and aisles of pens, pencils, books, paper.. folders - aaagghhhhh. Wanna meet me there - we could do coffee??? Glendale
Should get OFF MY HUGE BUTT and do something. Yes - good plan.
See you soon
or not :)
Saturday, 3 January 2009
I posted a couple of days ago about my decision to be happy.
Its not like i am miserable all the time or anything... only sometimes..... hmm
But more like - I consciously want to create happy spaces for myself. I thought about this a lot over the last couple of days and realised that I actually do spend quite a bit of my time doing things that I enjoy. Its just that often my awareness is not there. I am either 'escaping', or 'avoiding' or just being downright mindless. The first thing I intend to do this year - in my quest to 'turn the frown upside down' - is to recognise and appreciate the moments (even if it is only a moment) that I am engaged in an enjoyable activity. I will try not to waste these moments by thinking serious or worrying thoughts. I will not waste this time being 'absent'.
Even now, I am using my computer which makes me happy, enjoying the cool air, listening to some beautiful music and loving the scent of my favourite incense.... yet I find I have to consciously seek these sensory gifts as my mind is furiously trying to find the right words for this pist. hmmmmm
I am trying to 'rein' in my scatterdness. I will begin (now) to pay attention to what my head is thinking and where it is taking my thoughts. It often operates without my permission - so I will try to regain control of this. I will allocate times (brief ones) in which I will allow myself to sit and think and worry for a very short period of time - so this is then done and need not bother my leisure time....
The Dalai Lama said that the meaning of life was 'to be happy and useful'. I figure I am indeed useful - to a number of people - so all that remains is to be happy.
My quest..... i have chosen to accept it...
Thursday, 1 January 2009
Standing on the edge of possibility. Its all a clean page, yet to be written. A new year always feels exciting with a touch of nervousness for what is to come....
Numerologically it will be an 11 year.... same as me.. so that is interesting (and a bit scary) - big lessons with big rewards.... Personally i will be entering the first year of a cycle - so still some mopping up there before August.....
I dont make resolutions but have some things that I would like to achieve this year. Most of which have been hanging around for many many years now...
- Drop some kilos. Oh yes. This is a big one - as important for my health as giving up smoking was. Very committed to this. Definately.
- Find some Personal Organisation. This is something I have been failing at for many years. Am quite scattered (have you noticed - lol) and desperately need to do something about it. 2009 is the year. Yes.
I have, however, several general wishes etc for all of us.
I wish for peace and tranquility, for abundance, for understanding and most of all, love.
Ok - going to tidy this place and do some clearing out - ready for the new!!